asking for/saying no to in Random Thoughts

Kevin and i tried to practice this when we were going to counseling. It was an exercise to try and work ourselves into being able to have the difficult conversations without judgement and turning into argument. It may not be surprising to hear that this did not work very well. Kevin was not receptive or did not follow through. I had a hard time with this, too, because i never felt emotionally safe (to even ask for something like the pepper grinder)

This time, though, this exercise seems more empowering.

I left counseling feeling better than i have in any other session prior. My challenge is to practice telling people what i want and what i do not want, but with safe subjects. So, something a little more risky than, “I need/want you to hand me that newspaper,” but not quite as difficult as, “I need/want a partnership where i can have a child.” Also, i am going to practice saying no, or what i do not want.... something along the lines of, “i don’t really like watching multiple episodes of such and such show i would like to sit outside and read.”

So, my goal is to pick one person at work and Dios. Dios knows i am working on some stuff in counseling. Recently there was a bit of a conversation in which he revealed that he understands how i work. I can’t really recall what we were talking about, but it came to me mentioning that i would be ok with whatever (because i am sooooo easygoing and flexible, which is true, but also what Dios says next is also true). Dios says something along the lines of, “Nooooo, you just won’t voice if you are not ok with something.”

And that is true. There are times where i will set that limit and let people know how i feel, but there are many, many times in my life when i do not voice my preference. In counseling we talked about when it is that i decide to actually voice my preference, or bring up a conversation versus when i do not.

I think it is when i have a strong ethical or moral connection, or whether i have been hurt or learned a lesson from a previous experience. But what reasons keep me from sharing my voice? I fear that someone will disagree, be hurt, hurt me, will bring up hard conversations, is wrong or will be perceived as wrong.... etc, etc.... i have covered this i past conversations here.

So, pick someone at work and practice asking for something, or saying no to something.

Also, pick something to ask for with Dios, say no to (and voice an alternate preference) to something. I will try and choose something in the realm of sex, but that might be a little too difficult for me. So, safe it may end up being. I think i will even let him know that this is what i am going to try and work on (during the upcoming three day weekend that i will be spending with him in Eugene).

Last updated May 20, 2015