so evan called. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

ug. tomorrow. [er ‘tomorrow’. no I mean yesterday]. yesterday just wasn’t my day [currently 1:10 a.m. here]. currently spinning: natalie imbruglia’s ‘torn’. it’s the only song of hers I have actually. it’s a song on my may 13 playlist.
yeah so. yesterday at 5 a.m. I. did not feel good. I blogged about it earlier. it’s TMI but i’ll just say something in my stomach didn’t agree w/me. yeah. um. so last night. it was like. the most terrifying 5 mins. i’d had in awhile. evan calls and he’s all. well he says he wants to end things. like not w/ us but in general. and omfg. I was so worried about him. and I told him that. and I told him i’m here and I care. cause that’s whati’d want to hear. and so after we got off the phone I. textmailed his mom saying I was worried about him. I know they’re close, so. i’d let her handle the situation how she saw fit. in the message itold her I can’t handle this myself. and I couldn’t. after which. I got at my friend Mark on fb and told him the sitatuion. I didn’t mention names I just. I just told him so. that i’d have someone else know. about it. I didn’t want him to like. solve it or anything. I just wanted him to be there. [which well he was. he’s like that].
so after an hr. I called evn again. told him i’d told his mom. he was ok w/ it. he’s like ‘oh that’s fine’. he seemed better.
so then we got off the phone. after awhile one of us called the other. and then it was my turn. I told him how i’d been doing and that it hurts that they won’t listen to me they won’t change anything for me. and that the not talking to him. yes while it’s better it was also hard. and I got all weepy and upset and it just. it felt good to be honest w/ him about it. and to have him listen the way he did. does. god ............I miss that. the freedom we have to say w/e to each other. and the way he makes me laugh. like really makes me laugh. the ‘I laughed so hard I thought I died’ laugh. omygod. no one makes me laugh that way. or that much. I just needed to feel like someone cares. to feel that I mean not to hear/read it.
it also. somewhat weirdly. hurt, talking to him while i’m still experiencing that kind of heartbreak.