Cable, users and abusers. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so my days off have been excellent. I got so much done today and was able to buy a new pair of jeans that actually fit!!! I’m enjoying just sitting here by myself doing nothing because by this time tomorrow, I’ll be at work. I had my niece Saturday night and took her to see some animals yesterday. She left about 4 and then I took a 3 hour nap and then got up and did dishes.

I’ve had some issues with my internet not really working and lost a bunch of channels last week which really pissed me off because I missed the season finale of Kendra and Hank so I’m trying to find it so I can record it. I told them that I wanted to turn it all off but we worked everything out. Someone is coming now to figure out my internet is out of whack.

So......Eric. Well he’s pulled some shit again but I’m going to start with saying that it’s my fault for letting him into my life once again. He bought us an $8 pizza to share the other night and then ended up mooching $9 off my credit card a couple of nights later. He said I needed to buy him lunch and dinner and I got super pissed about it but was trying to be nice and let him buy a sandwich with my credit card. Well, he brings back my credit card and had spent more than what he was told and instead of apologizing, he said I was being immature!!!! Yeah, complete and utter bullshit. Then, apparently the other night he took a video of us having sex and sent it to me on Saturday. Yes, a video of us in my bed!!!! The video is super dark and doesn’t reveal either one of us but it was still took without my knowledge or permission. I’ve had time to calm down and realize that I’m not extremely pissed because you can’t tell who we are but because I didn’t even know about it until days later makes me feel like I can’t trust him at all and I’ll be damned if I ever let that happen again. This guy is crazy and spiteful so I’m worried that if he did it again, he would make sure to show my face or something and then show it to other people. \

It’s just really sad that I can’t find a guy that isn’t like this. It really makes me angry that these kind of people exist and manage to find their way to me. I must leave him blocked this time and leave this person alone. I admit, I’ve been a really cold towards him and I’ve kept him at a distance (mainly to avoid being used) and the best thing I can do for us both is to leave him alone. I just can’t trust him on any level and it’s time to let it be. I don’t have romantic feelings for him at all and can’t help but feel like he’s out to just use me. I told him the other night that I understand that he’s in a tough spot but I’m not going to be use and mistreated because of it either.

I've started to truly understand how much better off I am just being single and just worrying about myself. It's just sad that relationships have to be so fucked up and just impossible.  I just wish I could find someone that I could actually enjoy spending time with that just wants to love me for me and not because I have a job, my own place and a fucking car. I just don't get how men treat me like shit and think I'm going to stick around! It's also sad that they don't have any shame or pride in using someone and act like it's no big deal.

I know that being single is so much better and I honestly enjoy it. I remember for so long just being so miserable being by myself but now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Until I can find a good guy, I plan to just continue living my life and being the best person I can be and maybe when the time is right, God will give me a guy that will appreciate me and not have ulterior motives. I’m just annoyed with Eric using me because this ain’t my first rodeo. I wish these motherfuckers would understand that I’ve been through this a million times before and that’s why I’m by my fucking self!!

Today has been absolutely awesome. I slept really good last night and then I got up around 11 and went to the food bank with my friend that works at our other store. I guess she had some relatives move in with her that stole her kids tablets and $300 in cash from her dresser. It’s just sad that people would do that to her knowing she’s a single Mom and busts her ass to pay her fucking bills!!! I told her that she should just be single and by herself for awhile and she agreed. I’ve had so much of that same shit happen to me and that’s why I’m probably going to be single for the rest of my life.

I got my oil changed, paid my bill that I had through my dentist office, got jeans and cleaned out my car. It’s just amazing how quickly trash piles up and it’s really annoying and takes forever to throw it all away.

Anyways, I went to my brothers house and hung out with them for a bit and now I’m home. I’m debating on watching my Teen Mom OG and Keeping up with the Kardashians but I think I might wait until tomorrow. I’m getting tired and want to watch this stuff when I’m more alert. I’m sad that my days off are already almost over and this week is supposed to be cold and rainy so I’m not looking forward to that. I am happy that I get to sleep in tomorrow and Wednesday though.

More tomorrow.