Soonest is... in Every day scata

So, I fucked up my back big time at work this weekend. I won’t go into details (HIPAA) but lets just say I did a number on myself.

Now, I could have written at least a dozen reports of being hurt on the job, but this time I couldn’t help it. I’m not one to boo-hoo every time I pull a muscle doing something there.

But this is my back. I NEED my back, y’know?

So it should be an interesting couple of weeks there at hell… I mean the hospital.

While I was at the doctors office today, I made an appointment with my therapist. The soonest she can see me (even with me saying I was in crisis) is the 28th. Obviously I asked to be put on a cancellation list, but I really think the list is non-existent. Yeah, I sound paranoid (well I am paranoid dur) but the last time I was “in crisis” and asked for the same thing, I never did get a call, and that was a two month wait.

I haven’t called my pdoc yet. With PT for my back, and shit going on around here, I need to figure out my schedule first before I call her.

I know I know… I should call her NOW, but I’m just going to wait until after my eval by PT on Wednesday.

I have been managing to piss P off at every turn since my last entry. I’m just a fucking mess. Mothers day really pushed my buttons, and even though it’s ok for P to say bad things about my family, I guess it’s not ok for me to do the same.

Doesn’t help that I didn’t get her anything for mothers day… I never think to do shit like that, and she was rightfully hurt by it. I don’t blame her. I really don’t, and I can’t make it up to her in any way.

And now she is getting my chores dumped on her… I know she’ll hold it against me, so I’m going to do my damnedest to do everything I usually do.

I’m so tired of fucking up all the time. It pisses me off, so I can’t imagine how P feels.
And it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I still manage to do it.

P should find someone else that treats her better than I treat her. She deserves more. I’m too fucking self centered to be in a relationship. All of you that know us, know that already.