June, Maybe July in Him

Have you ever been one of those people who wants to know when they are going to die or those who want to brace themselves for a catastrophic event?

I’m not one of those people because there is pain in knowing.

He called yesterday. I hadn’t gotten a chance to put money on my books (pay my cell phone bill) and the website was not cooperating with me so my phone was off most of the morning. Apparently Him was trying to reach me but couldn’t get through, so he called me at work.

We did our usual banter, made remarks and sly comments. For some reason he seemed kind of needy. Like, he wanted to share some knowledge or an opinion that he was proud of. I did’t particularly care which is odd. I’m always game for listening to him, but not on this. There was a “huge” boxing match, Mayweather vs Pacqiou (hell I don’t know how to spell his name). I wasn’t very interested in seeing it (and I didn’t) and it didn’t move me to hear about it. I’ve seen the internet memes, I know who won, but again this information doesn’t move me.

He asked if I’d seen the fight. No. He thought I would download, but again, no. I only stated that I’ve heard some people grumble that the fight was unjustly awarded, but otherwise it was as it stands. He then quickly launched into a synopsis of the fight, how it was scored because he counted…It was really needed. And it wasn’t just that he felt the need to impress me, but the need to impress PERIOD and again, I couldn’t have cared less. I was actually quite annoyed.

Same thing happened with the tv show “Empire.” It’s not that I’m not a fan, I just don’t watch it. I only saw one episode, it was good, but it just didn’t hold me to want to keep watching it. He said that he was a fan of the show’s soundtrack, but not so much the show. Before he got started on it, I made a comment about how do you not know about the Smollett family? Then he went on his thing about how mainstream he’s not (which he isn’t totally, but he’s mainstream enough, which makes him full of boloney) and about how he did research about the guy in the show, who his sister is, etc. and again I didn’t really care.

It’s moments like these that make me think that maybe, I don’t want to be with him forever and this split will be good. Which brings me to the point of this. Toward the end of this conversation, he told me he would be here to visit his grandparents maybe sometime in the last half of June, sometime in July because they weren’t going to come to the “ceremony. We’ll just call it that.” ???? Um… You can say wedding. It’s not like I don’t know it’s happening in August. So I will get the last of my time in with him then, maybe…

I won’t hope for it. I mean he will belong to another. He does belong to another. I don’t want to be a third party in it. If I do see him. When I leave, I will erase him from my tangibles as much as possible, but he won’t be erased from my heart anytime soon.