Some other stuff. in Since OD is shutting down....

I had a couple of other things I didn’t write about in my last entry. One of them being my side affects to the Belviq. I quit taking it last Tuesday and feel so much better. I just had ongoing cold symptoms (cough, runny nose and sneezing) had dizzy spells and the fatigue was unbearable. I felt like I had been walking around in this crazy, miserable fog for almost a month and it finally dawned on me that it was from the Belviq. I’m planning on taking it once I make an actual commitment to losing weight by eating right and actually making it to the gym. I love the Belviq because it keeps my blood sugars on point and I know that it will help me lose weight but I can’t just depend on a medication to do it all.

I’m going to take a break from worrying about my weight and feeling normal and then make an actual plan to get healthy. I’m also still smoking and plan to quit doing that pretty soon too before it gets to the point where I feel like I can’t. I’m sick of smelling like smoke, even though I don’t smoke in my house or my vehicle and I’m constantly worried about my breath smelling gross. I should have never started again and never saw myself picking up the habit after not smoking for 3 an half years but somehow, I find myself back in that place so I need to figure out a good time to quit.

My credit score has also dropped because I bought some stuff from 3 different places and stopped making the payments because I couldn’t figure out how to do it online. I’m going to call and see how making a payment plan or something. I have to get my credit score back up because I want to be able to buy a house eventually and just because it’s nice to have good credit. I don’t like knowing that I owe money so I’m going to do what I can to get the shit paid off.

I picked up my niece from daycare early and she went with me to get groceries. I also need to do laundry and want to get to bed at a good time tonight. It’s back to work tomorrow and I want to have some time for myself. I’m glad that I don’t work until 4 the next 2 days which means I get to sleep in and have time to just hang out by myself.

It bothers me that I never get to really be around other adults outside of work. I just either don’t have time or don’t have the energy. Part of the problem is having to work early morning on Friday and Saturday and then I have to hurry to get off work on Saturday to get my brother’s kid or he’s coming out of his fucking skin. It just gets really old because I don’t know when or how it was determined that I was just going to take her overnight EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND! I’m just worn out with arguing with him and how he blows up my phone when I don’t get off work right when I’m supposed to. He acts like I intentionally stay at work to avoid picking her up or something but I just don’t like his lack of consideration for how much time I give up being able to go out and do my own thing to take his kid!

I know that I don’t care to really have friends but it would be nice to be able to make plans sometimes and actually go out and do something for a change. I know for the most part I’m pretty content with my life the way it is but it would be nice to go to a nice dinner in another town sometimes or even go for a drink and not have kids around so I can just unwind with other adults. I do get tired of doing the same damn thing day in and day out. I don’t really get a break from the everyday stress of work, grocery shopping and being a responsible adult. It would just be nice to have plans to do something fun with other adults sometimes.

My brother really doesn’t care to have much to do with me outside of me taking his kid so he gets a break. He does as little as possible towards helping me or having a relationship with me and it really starts to get to me. I asked him earlier if he would ask his girlfriend to come dye my hair and he said he would ask and call me back but then never did. I just get tired of doing what everyone else wants but when I need something, it gets ignored and I’m made to feel like my needs aren’t important. My brother is probably the most inconsiderate selfish that just doesn’t believe that everyone has their own lives and things going on. He pissed me off when I picked her up Saturday night and told me that I need to just take Saturdays off. Um, no I can’t do that. It’s one of our busiest days and I can’t miss out on making a wad of cash because he needs to be able to get drunk.

I just get tired of looking forward to weekends because I’m gonna have my days off but I spend most of my time with my niece because my brother likes getting a break. Which is fine but I just wish they could sometimes have other family take her so that I could actually make plans to go do something fun. I just get tired of doing the same damn thing every weekend and not feeling like I’m living for myself. I just don’t want to do this same fucking thing forever. I just feel like I do way more than I even want to because if I don’t, it’s going to be a fight and then I’m stressed out. I’ve even told him that I’m not going to take her every weekend and yet, every weekend I end up having her. It’s not fair that no one else can ever take her.

I guess that’s all for now…