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My kids aren’t sick anymore. Yay! Lorelei still has a runny nose, but she is also getting a couple new teeth. She stood up on her own yesterday a few times for like 10 seconds. Oh my gosh, kid.
Cannon’s therapist was here yesterday. Next week is the first autism evaluation. This Friday he has a hearing test and I’m doubtful that it’ll go well. Maybe I’ll be surprised and it’ll go smoothly. Here’s to hoping! He went back to daycare yesterday. He really needed it, but he was very tired and napped for four hours and didn’t go to bed until after midnight last night.

My mother started drama yesterday. Ugh. I guess my father decided to show up to our (meaning mine and my sister’s wedding – she is getting married the day after we are in Vegas) wedding now (whatever) so I let my mother know. She went in a tirade about how alone she is, how no one likes her or cares about her, everyone talks about her behind her back and judges her (no one does), how her childhood was awful and random details about that, how she is in debt and she retires soon and how she has nothing saved and she’ll have to live in a trailer, blah blah blah. What the flying fuck.
She has these grand delusions that EVERYONE talks about her somehow, and that my twin is out to get her. She went on and on about how my twin acts like she doesn’t care about her and ever since my sister met her fiance she doesn’t contact my mom and how “Christmas and Thanksgiving were awkward” (they weren’t). My mom always uses my twin as a scapegoat when he’s angry. It’s fucking ridiculous. My sister calls her and sends her cards and presents on holidays. My mom thinks that my sister chooses our dad over her – but my sister doesn’t talk to our dad that often either. She’s pretty well tired of both of their BS. My mother is trying to pull the same crap she pulled before my sister’s graduation from nursing school. She called me several times crying saying that my sister told her not to come to her graduation because our dad was going to be there. Well, the real story is that my mom said she wasn’t going to go because my dad was there. Rather than being an adult about it and going, my mom made excuses not to go and twisted the story around to make my sister seem like that bad guy. I’m not sure why. It feels like my mother wanted her to say “no mom, I’ll tell dad not to come so that you can.” But that’s fucking stupid and childish.
My mother always wants me to act like the adult and have a co-dependent relationship with her kids. It’s not healthy. She is already forming a co-dependent relationship with my youngest sister, who is 11. My youngest sister says things like “I don’t want to move out when I get older, I want to stay with you because you don’t have anyone else.” Yeah. My mother always wants me to make decisions for her and asks for advice sometimes. I don’‘t have much life experience, so I’m not sure what that is, but yeah. She also gives me sob stories all the time about money. It feels like an attempt to make me feel guilty, but I don’t really know, since I can’t fathom ever doing that to my kids. She also mentions living with us someday when we buy a house. I’m assuming she is hoping that she’ll be able to move in when she retires, and she’s already trying to guilt me into it. I HATE being made to feel guilty for things that are out of my control. Growing up, she made me feel guilty for just existing sometimes so it’s still an issue that I have. She also loves to say things like “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, was I really that bad of a parent.”
I won’t go into details of my adolescence because I don’t really feel like it. It’s just aggravating.

I’m so sick of her using me as a therapist. I’m not emotionally or professionally equipped to deal with that. I told her she needed to talk to someone, but of course she made excuses for that, one of which being that she doesn’t have the time (or money… she makes double what we make). I told her about online therapy resources and how she can speak to someone online and keep a journal for them to read and discuss with her. She blew this off. Of course. I also told her about online forums and connecting with people with similar problems, which is free. Nope, doesn’t want to hear it. I ignored most of her texts yesterday about her issues because I literally just don’t have the emotional energy to deal with it. I have three kids that I’m raising, a house to take care of, school work to do, and a spouse. It’s like she forgets that I have a super busy life too.

So Jacob really doesn’t want her to come to our wedding. But if she doesn’t (even if she is actively trying to get out of it), I’ll never hear the end of it. It’ll always be someone else’s fault that she didn’t get to go. It’ll always be brought up at every fucking holiday.
I know that the reason she is trying to get out of it is because my father will be there, and he is re-married and my mother feels insecure about being the only single person there. But she is looking for a way to blame someone else for that too. It’s just… I don’t know.

I wish I never invited anyone but things are happening and it’s too late to back out now.

Last updated April 28, 2015