They Shoot Single People, Don't They? in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I feel like my life is finally at Season 1 of Sex & The City.

I started work, it’s fine. Even though they’ve already promoted me to an auditor, I can see that I need to find myself another occupation. This really is only temporary. I haven’t worked a normal job since 2009, I’d forgotten how nice it is to have something specific to occupy my time. School was like this endless timespace of obsessing about all the things that have happened to me and how they impacted me at that specific moment. It was like being in therapy again; no wonder I got so fucking depressed.

I went on my first date in over four years last week. We went and saw “It Follows” which I found to be incredibly inventive, if not all that scary. The soundtrack was amazing and I kept getting pulled into the movie by the music. If I’m being honest, I really liked the movie only because it reminded me how good a horror movie can be with just the simplest of ideas. So many horror movies have been complete shit. The last movie that truly scared me was The Descent (I was actually screaming in the theater when I saw that one).

The guy was cute. We met at the new gay bar that popped up in Sacramento while I was away. After the movie, we went to the local leather bar and hung out. While we were talking and getting to know each other, I realized that there were some red flags there. Not bad things, just beliefs and fears that he had which I would probably trigger at some point and I really don’t like to put people in the position of having to make themselves uncomfortable for the sake of myself.

Last night, I decided to take the night to go out and just exist. Having to deal with teenagers is fucking exhausting. I totally get why so many parents go crazy because having to try and reason with teenagers is like trying to teach a toaster to speak Hebrew. It’s im-fucking-possible.

While I was out, I noticed one of the super hot guys that I’ve been keeping tabs on through Facebook for a while now. I know that sounds creepy but while I was away, I made sure that I kept up with the social circles in Sacramento. It was really strange because I suddenly realized that I’m an A-gay here.... I know that sounds like a really stupid term, but Sacramento is even more clique-y than Los Angeles is. The super hot guy started hitting on me… in fact, he invited me home with him. And let me tell you, he really is fucking gorgeous.... I wouldn’t have pulled that ten years ago. I guess my lesbian hair really is working for me, I just wish I didn’t hate myself every time I looked in the mirror.

I couldn’t go home with him, though. I had to wake up early to get kids to school and then go to work. But I got his number.

You see what I mean about my life being first season Sex and the City. This is my life now. I’m actually at a point where I’m confident and independent enough to sustain a dating life.... but there’s one catch.

My time in Sacramento has already proven to me that I need to leave here as soon as possible. I’ve begun investigating and even applied to a couple of positions teaching in Spain. I’m not sure I’m ready to begin walking down the road that this whole life here means. I’m not sure I’m ready to say “that’s is, this is my life and this is who I’m going to be.” I’m too much of a gypsy for that.

Besides, this dating shit is a motherfucker.