15-04.14.82 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Sonuvabitch. So… for those that follow closely… my video game excitement has been utterly neutered as my game won’t arrive until next week… a week in which I’ll be out of town. The biggest announcement of my life (potentially) is on Wednesday where I will discover whether my life continues or if I am still stuck in this God Awful Limbo. Clearly… stressed, unhappy, and irritated defines me fairly well.

How does my wife deal with any of this? Complaining about how she can’t figure out what she wants to do with her life… trying to get me to empathize with her struggle to find what she really wants to do with life. Complaining that she doesn’t know her direction.

Even still… I’m a good husband, or at least I try to be. So I attempt to help her. I, again, set aside whatever it is I’m going through in order to help her. So she wants to do “Science” but is freaking out because “science” is too broad a description. Okay. Even though she’s just as capable of doing this as I am… I’ll go ahead and Google a solution. DONE. Okay, looking at a list of the 30 most likely in High-Demand Jobs of the next 8 years.... the science positions are Medical Science, Veterinary Science, Computer Science, Environmental Sciences. Done. So… even though it is your life and your career; I’ve again taken the fifteen seconds necessary that you could have/should have done to discover the science-y things.

Oh.... what’s that? It isn’t enough? Well… maybe then you should do something? I get that careers are scary and that it can be really hard to Adult… but is now really the time you think I should be focusing on your career? Considering I am 24 hours away from Bar Exam announcement… do you really think that I should be worried about the fact that you don’t like your job and wish someone would tell you what to do? Here’s a thought: Be a wife. There. That is your job. That is what you should do. You should be my wife. Shit, you agreed to it. You signed a legally binding contract to that effect.

UGH! Maybe I’m being too hard on her. But, honestly. I just found out tonight that the one distraction I was looking forward to won’t arrive in time to be any good. I’m so close to either extremely good news or extremely bad news that I can’t sleep for more than an hour or two because my brain and body are so freaked out. And… my wife keeps complaining about her situation. She keeps going on about how she’s so depressed about her career confusion and her feelings of having no direction.

Maybe it was a dick move, but I specifically said to her “Wait, you’re going to complain about reading 30 pages in a Career Finder manual? Really? Because 30 pages is basically the first ten minutes of law school and I had to do that for three years!” It just… I’m at my wit’s end over all the shit this week… and instead of a supportive, understanding wife… I get the whole “but Wife isn’t happy and since Wife isn’t happy we need to fix it” attitude. Seriously… this was one of the big reasons I wanted the marriage counselor to help us… as opposed to doing what she did… which was to say “Oh… just carry on until after the Bar Results.” Really? When I specifically told you that the reason I was so desperate to seek counseling at this time was to try to navigate the Bar Results stress while the wife behaves as though she’s the only one that matters? Gah. Bah… hum bug. Definitely the kind of evening where I wish…

(1) my damned Mortal Kombat would have arrived when it was supposed to!
(2) my marriage was at least somewhat healthy;
(3) I was with family awaiting this news as opposed to feeling so alone (alone, in this case, meaning my wife and I)
(4) My wife actively cared about something besides herself.

Honestly… this whole thing just continues to prove to me… love is bullshit… and so is attraction. I love my wife. I find her beautiful. Seven times out of Ten, I would chose her as my partner without hesitation. But… when the chips are down? She just isn’t that reliable. Sometimes she’s there for me more than I could expect. Sometimes she acts like I don’t exist. It is… confusing.