how kate's doing/sisters. relationships. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

since well. I’ve been meaning to blog about this anyway. and i’m drunk and hey ya know what goes together? drinking and blogging apparently.

Kate’s my sister btw. but this is the first time I’ve referred to her as ‘Kate’ in an entry title, so. yeah but anyways.

well prior to last wk. she was good. She didn’t have a job but she was ok w/ that and I was too. she, for those who don’t know was in rehab in the fall, 3 months. for a drug addiction. and so awhile back I’m like well it’ll take her a few months to get acclimated to not being in rehab. which I expected. once when we were talking about it she told me ‘you’re really cool about it you don’t make me feel bad about it’. well no as that won’t help. yeah so currently.........on the whole job front. note. thing. she’s scared to get a job as she doesn’t have a good track record w/ jobs, so. yes and that’s one of the reasons I haven’t had a job in so long. I don’t like disappointing people but moreso I don’t like disappointing myself. it doesn’t sit well w/ me. I feel like i’m not good enough which is common according to what I’ve read on Wikipedia.

yeah so my sister & I well. when we went to lunch last wk. that’s what we talked about. well that’s what she talked about I just listened and told her ‘I get that’ or ‘yea I can see that’. I don’t really react and I wonder if people think I don’t care. well I mean.........it’s a way of distancing myself. yeah but also it’s not my, um, ‘job’ to be all that reactive when she tells me stuff like that. i’ll listen cause i’m her sister. but if it were just her and I and our parents were, you know. not here then it might be different. We don’t have that hierarchy even though I am the older sister. that hierarchy of well since i’m older than she is i’m going to act older. and maybe we should [i wonder.......] but at the same time what we have works for us. she’s told me twice she’s comfortable around me. which I want people to be. [wow didn’t realize the entry would go in this direction but here we are]. I don’t tell her she needs to get a job. I don’t tell her what to do/not do, actually. I’ve never been one of those people.

so. that’s how Kate’s doing.

I feel like there was more to this. and maybe there was.