4/8 in --

Baby is running a temperature. I feel like she was just sick a month or two ago. She’s getting her two top front teeth in. She hasn’t been hungry for solids and wanting to nurse a lot. I should be giving her a sippy cup with water in it a few times a day, but I’ve only been doing it during her dinner time.

Toddler is doing fine. He’s grumpy a lot, but that’s part of his personality. You could say the same for me too. I decided that I do want to go ahead with the autism evaluation. It will be a months long process. I have some concerns. If he is on the spectrum, he is very high-functioning.

He knows maybe 50 train names from Thomas. He uses them regularly. However, he won’t use words to ask for things he wants, like “milk” or some other thing. I’ve heard him say “milk” maybe twice. He loves to identify letters, numbers, animals, and body parts. He loves to count. He doesn’t really use words unless they are categorical. This is a “red flag” for me. People who are autistic think differently than people who are not. Categorical thinking like what he does makes me think that something is going on.

He is obsessed with the trains from Thomas. He plays with his trains in varying ways, and that is pretty much all he does unless we go outside, or he is doing art (he loves doing art projects too). He will do puzzles and enjoys books too, but he won’t seek those things out himself, I have to play with him. Mixing up his play is something the therapy people really want me to do with him.

I’m really frustrated with them though. Ever time evaluators come to our house, they never believe what I say. I get that some parents might lie to make their kid seem like they don’t have the issues that they do, and aren’t impartial, but… it’s frustrating. Last week a woman came from the school district to go over some things, and she called the early childhood teacher to verify something I told her, but the early childhood teacher has only been here THREE TIMES. She doesn’t KNOW Cannon. Things like that. It’s SO aggravating. I wish we didn’t have to continue doing these services. The only person I like is the lady that was visiting every week. It didn’t make sense that they didn’t call her.

Anyway.

Today has not been going well so far. There’s been a lot of crying from both kids. Lorelei won’t let me put her down without losing it. I’ve been having to run to the bathroom and I’ve been in pain because I’m having an IBS attack. Lorelei won’t sleep unless she’s on top of me so I’ve had to wake her up whenever I need to get up.

She’s been non-stop attached to my boobs.

I would love nothing more right now than to sleep alone, in any position I want, uninterrupted. And a vacation. I really need one of those. I’ve been feeling bitter whenever someone in one of my classes talks about where they are going this summer and where they went during spring break. Must be fucking nice.

I really wish I wasn’t feeling so bitter, I really do feel bad about that.

My stomach is starting to feel settled now, but I am afraid to eat. :( Maybe I’ll find some stuff to make a smoothie or something.