15-04.07.76 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Also Titled “Thoughts, Not All of Them Good.”

Today… another day. My wife has come down with some sickness or other… she believes it merely a cold, I think it may be a sinus infection… but as she has had yesterday and today off; I am trying to strongly encourage that she get as much rest as possible. It was funny… my wife definitely notices when I am acting more like my father or more like my mother and last night was STRONGLY a mother night. Even my vernacular switched to that of my mother and her family. Instead of the full proper father-side of the family statements like: “Wife, you should be resting. If you’re ill; your body needs the time to recuperate.” Nope. Totally became my mom. Statements like: “I’m sorry you’re feeling punk. Maybe you should dump a shift and get some rest. Give your body time to catch up to what you’re asking it to do.” Oh… silly… vastly different parents. SO glad they are still together though. If you include all the time my parents have known each other… so.... marriage, dating, and before that… my parents have been (at least a little) part of each other’s lives for 50 years… that is like 80% of my dad’s entire life!! But of course… thinking like that causes me to devolve quickly. Because then I think about my brother… who married his former best friend’s high school sweetheart… so as awkward as that situation can be, my brother and SIL have been part of each other’s lives for about 57% of my brother’s life time. And then there is my wife and I. A woman I met when I was 21. Whom I have known for ten years, or 1/3 of my life. And a woman with whom I needed to seek counseling in an attempt to salvage the marriage.

At work this morning, I was actually thinking something silly (and perhaps offensive). There are far too many reasons why, if I did need to divorce my wife, I likely couldn’t/wouldn’t do it before we were able to move back to IA. Of course, there is the part of me that fervently wants to believe that will fix everything. Get her back to IA, and everything will be as it was. But of course, that isn’t logical. WHO we are may be influenced by our surroundings; but HOW we treat people day-to-day isn’t 100% controlled by our surroundings. Then there is my attempt-to-be-gallant side. Wife moved to this state because I was accepted to law school here. Much like any guide or leader; there is a part of me that thinks “You can’t abandon those who followed you until you return them safely to where they started.” But, and the reason this comes up, the humor/sad thing that I thought this morning? I would never want to re-enter the dating pool in Nebraska. The people aren’t terrible (though they are damned difficult to engage) it is just that everyone smokes. Now, I wouldn’t completely say no to dating someone that smoked… but in my own twisted perspective… if you smoke in Omaha? It is because you grew up here and followed the crowd. Seriously… I don’t have hard statistics but observation alone? More people smoke here than don’t. And succumbing to peer pressure like that just… isn’t my thing. Maybe it is because peer pressure never controlled my decisions (just my emotions to those decisions) or maybe it is something else but… yeah. I realized that if things don’t work out… I’d rather not enter the dating pool in this area.

Anyway, moving on to a different topic. I finally resolved myself to make that damned odd sounding Ramen Omelette thing. Yes, the one I said I was going to make like four times before! Since my wife is sick and we’re still going to couple’s counseling today… I figured this is something nice I could do. So here is the Ramlette! In the pan; on the plate :) The red sauce is a recommended Pizza Sauce Topping that goes pretty well; but I don’t see why it couldn’t have also/instead of been salsa.

After eating that, we had our couple’s counseling. I don’t know, man. I’m not 100% about this lady. First of all… she said that she feels like I don’t want Wife to work. What? Is it because I’m a man? I have no idea where she could have gotten that idea. I mean, yes… I don’t want Wife to continue to work at the Wal-Mart that she hates and I don’t want Wife to continue to work at a Wal-Mart that she has blamed for our marital issues. But the fact that I’m not currently the breadwinner actually doesn’t bother me. The fact that she jumped to that conclusion continues to make me worry that this woman doesn’t really see me but sees “husband who thinks wife has a problem.” Not to sound arrogant, but in so many ways… I’m not a “typical” anything least of all “typical husband.” So… my confidence in this chick is a bit weak, at best. Especially after pretty much telling me to give up on Friday. I get it… I can’t be the only person putting in the work… but give up? Lady. Don’t you know anything about me? About my family history? We. Don’t. Give Up. Never surrender. If you can’t win the fight, you can concede defeat graciously after giving it your all. But to just give up before exhausting all possible avenues of victory? Are you mad?! So… I’m already on the fence about this lady. THEN she said she wants to wait until the Bar Results come out before deciding on an “official” course of action for us. Again… lady… you haven’t listened to a god-damned word I’ve said, have you? The bar is stressing me out. I’m worrying my balls off about the bar. My entire existence in every other aspect of my life is quite literally hinging upon those bar results. And you decide to add yet another thing to that list? Yeah, sure… biggest item causing you stress? The very item that sent you here in the first place? Lets wait for that before we do anything. GR. Plus… I’m starting to think I’m much more intelligent than Mag… like in big ways. She tried to, again, suggest that what may be best for Wife is a “non-emotional marriage, like in the Imitation Game” and then proceeded to tell us what she meant. I politely listened to her explain how the main character (she couldn’t remember that it was ALAN TURING) was autistic and agreed to an “intellectual marriage” with his colleague “because that is what autistic people would value.” OMG… I haven’t seen the movie but are you fucking kidding me?! Alan Turing didn’t have an emotional/sexual relationship with Joan (whom he proposed to but never married) because he was a HOMOSEXUAL! Anyone who knows anything about Turing knows that! For Christ’s sake, the main was convicted of sodomy in 1954 and chemically castrated! So… Mag… before you start suggesting that my wife would be more comfortable in an Intellectual Marriage like Imitation Game… maybe have more than a passing understanding of Alan Turing… a man so revolutionary to computer science that we still use something called a Turing Test. But that’s where we are. Waiting for my bar results. Problem is… Wife did give the impression of something worrying. And then outright said something worrying when we got home. She doesn’t think therapy is going to do any good until she leaves Wal Mart. She doesn’t think there is going to be any improvement in anything until she leaves Wal Mart. So… that old hurdle jumps back to life.... the “personal/relationship improvement is on hold until BLANK” excuse train.

Best Case Scenario: I pass the bar, quickly get a job in Iowa, our move is easy and successful, we begin seeing a marriage counselor at the new city, and Wife feels better about a new job and begins to break out of her own mind enough to say nice things to me, treat me with respect, and maybe snog or shag me every once in a great while.
Worst Case Scenario: I fail the bar, have to pay a ton to retake it, we stay here, continue to see Mag who does what she can for Wife and continues making me feel unheard, after the next bar exam- I feel like there has been zero progress and file for divorce.
Most Likely Scenario: Anything in between Best and Worst but… I fear there is a LOT of that Worst Case Scenario in the Most Likely Scenario.

After all of that… I guess both Wife and I were.... kind of stuck. She played Angry Birds on her phone for a solid 3 hours while I read Internet News, Checked Facebook, wrote this lovely Prosebox Entry, and played X Box.

To end: In completely unrelated news… have you seen this? There is a couple, one named Burger, the other named King… and Burger King is going to pay for their wedding. Burger King will pay for the Burger/King wedding. Uhm… so you’ll spend loads of money on a “funny” advertising scheme but when your employees ask for a living wage you pitch a freaking fit? Priorities, dudes. Every analysis of reality consistently states… when employees get a living wage; turn over reduces, service improves, and customer satisfaction skyrockets… plus, with less turn over, maybe I could get my order within 10 minutes? But no… no.. don’t invest in your company’s practical success… spend money on a silly publicity stunt.