15-04.3.74 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Good Friday… a day for Christians to reflect on the sacrifice of the cross… perfect love being crucified so that the objects of that love may be redeemed. So… in other words… today is about love and death? Okay… seems to make sense to me.

Because today was my individual therapy session. I handed the therapist the List and Note and she asked questions and we did the whole talking thing. And she made me realize exactly how likely divorce is for me and my wife… and the answer is very likely. My wife and I both want the relationship to keep going… but Mag did her job. She looked at where Wife was, what she was willing to do; looked at where I was, at what I was willing to do… and reminded me that it isn’t fair to me. I can’t do 100% of the work because then it isn’t a marriage. But if I don’t do 100% of the work; the work might not get done. So I have to consider my options. Do I (a) file for divorce knowing that I may never have my needs met? (b) stay in this marriage and try to get used to never having my needs met? (c) try to stall everything, in hopes that Wife will actually do some individual therapy and try to work on herself enough so that maybe just maybe she’ll be able to provide for a need or two of mine?

So that is the reality of the situation. 66% of the options available involve me being miserable, and the other option is waiting and hoping. I know getting divorced wouldn’t be the end of the world… but it certainly wouldn’t be the beginning. Neither my wife nor I want this marriage to end… it is tough, but I have to keep reminding myself “Wanting your needs met in a marriage isn’t selfish” but… I keep thinking that divorcing for that reason would be.

The plan, as it stands, is to keep our Couple’s Appointment on Tuesday. Then Mag will lay it out for us. Essentially, if we want to keep working at this… once a month couple’s counseling, with weekly individual sessions. Were it any other issue… I’d accuse her of trying to get more money out of us… but it is my marriage and it matters to me.

What REALLY pisses me off though? If we do end up filing for divorce? I am going to spend hours legally tearing the shit out of our wedding photographer. You’re telling me that you can’t get us our product THAT WE PAID FOR within 4 years and a divorce? You’re telling me it takes so long to do your god-damned job that you can’t finish it within a half-decade?