"Hi Matt, how are you feeling today?" in Vulnerability

That was the Facebook message I got from mum tonight.

I replied, “I don’t know. Angry, I suppose.”

The cursor sat there for ages as she must’ve typed and deleted it a few times.

She ended up ringing me. I answered.
The conversation went pretty calm and off-topic for a while about how things were. I’d just started cooking dinner, so had something to distract me a little. She said it was stupid to keep typing stuff and that she needed to talk with me.

After a while she goes, “I dunno what to do, Matthew…” (referring to my dad).

I had a pretty good little chat with her. Just what was on my mind.
I said to her that it’s been 12 years and I’m pretty much over it. I admitted that I cried about about 30 seconds until I realized I was 31 and that I can’t just keep reacting like this every time this happens. I told her that I’d blocked dad from Facebook (on top of him already having deleted me) so that hopefully that’ll mean I can no longer see any of his comments on anyone’s posts. If I can’t see his views, he can’t upset me.

I told her that I was wondering how I could maintain a relationship with her, but no longer with him. I pretty much laid my cards out on the table.
I told her that I’d been trying to keep the peace for years now, that I’d never once brought it up.

Mum told me that she herself can’t believe that he hasn’t at least come around even slightly over the past 12 years.

I said to her, “What I can’t understand is haven’t you guys ever spoken to Kerry and Russell (parents of my first boyfriend who attended the same church as them) or Kevin and Ros (Parents of Lucas (RIP) and Zac), who also have gay children?”
She said, “No. It’s not really something we can talk about.”

So yeah, this will also remain stagnant, unfortunately. My only viable option is to cut dad out of my life. I have no idea how I’m meant to do that without affecting other family members.

Mum also gave an example of why she’s getting sick of her husband’s attitude lately as well. Apparently they were going to go on this cruise later in the year with some relatives (like they have before) and dad decided he didn’t want to go. Mum said, “Well I still want to go.”
Dad then apparently said to her, “Well I’m the boss and what I say goes.”

I said to her, “THAT. RIGHT there…” to prove my point of the type of person he is.

The conversation was pretty good. I remained calm the whole time and mum just filled me on a bit that she’s been up to. She reckons that she’s trying to keep the peace and will try to get dad to come around, “even if it kills me.”

I told her that I thought she’d come a long way. It’s clear she has. Initially it appeared to me what when I came out at 19 that she was the one with the issues, but the real issues were my father’s silence, given his behaviour today. I know it hasn’t been easy for mum, but I’m proud of her for making the effort and understanding that love for a child comes first.

I used that example too. That if I ever had a kid, unconditional love would always come first.

So, she knows my views. She knows I hate dad. I truly do, and it’s hard for me to actually hate someone. I honestly don’t even feel bad saying, or writing that down. That’s the point it has gotten to.

Mum said something interesting though. She just doesn’t want any problems to happen at my little brother’s wedding in August.
I found that an interesting point to bring up.
I said to her, “What does Craig’s wedding have to do with me?”
It almost made me out to be the problem, you know.

I didn’t blame mum for her concern. She’s just hating this blowing up again when the wedding is a few months away (where I’m one of the Groomsmen). She said that there wouldn’t be, and made note to try and keep me and dad separated for the day.
Seriously, if there is alcohol at that reception, and he even tries the slightest hint of anything offensive, I probably will end up throwing a glass champagne bottle at his head :P

What my little brother’s wedding will mean, is that I’ll then be the only sibling who hasn’t been married. Whether that will mean something to my parents or not, I do not know.
Never mind my older brother who was ONCE married and divorced with three kids, but that’s a whole other kettle of fish.
Hey, I’ll hopefully get married (or civil-unioned) one day. It’ll just be to a guy, once my country’s fucked-up out-dated laws get updated to legally allow me to do so :)
I’d like to think my siblings would back me up against my father, but none have said anything. They are just staying out of the fire I suppose.
Having said that, it’s been nice to have the support of some relatives, who obviously saw all this shit go down on Facebook yesterday.
I did however decide to delete a girl who used to be my favourite cousin, as her views were similar to my dad’s, just not as horrible.
I just decided I don’t need to see that shit in my life, and if the truth is only coming out now, I can only imagine what they are thinking each time I have to see them at family gatherings, thankfully as rare as those are.
Cut out the dead-wood I say.

Thank Christ I can’t think of anything hereditary that my father may have passed onto me through his genes… except maybe his bad memory.

I can deal with that. At least I don’t treat people like shit for no reason.