My birthday/work/Eric. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my birthday was incredible. I got my nails done and then my parents brought me a cake, balloon, a card and $20. Then my brother brought me another cake and then I had to work until 9:30 and then watched a movie at their house. I got us a pizza and then we had some cake. I actually talked my brother into watching Pitch Perfect and he actually liked it!!! Then before midnight, boss man text me wishing me a Happy Birthday and thanking me for working hard and for all I do! I was almost in tears because it made me feel so good that he took the time to make me feel so special!!!!

Eric. Yeah, the guy is a fucking nut. He’s asked to stay with me and I of course said no, saying I’m not allowed to have a roommate due to past experiences and that I’m not ready to share my living space. He’s been bugging everyday to hang out and I just never go along with it because I’m just not willing to put myself in a position where I could potentially end up stuck with him. I hung out with him a couple of days ago and ended up picking him up just so he could pass out on my couch and after a few minutes I asked him if he was just going to sleep until I had to take him to work and then we cuddled in my bed. We started to have sex and he said something about wanting to bust his load inside me and then I told him to get off me. Like, that totally killed the mood and I just don’t feel comfortable having sex with him anymore.

This guy has proven to be emotionally unstable, mean, possessive and because he doesn’t have a car or a stable place to live, I’m just not going to put myself in any kind of predicament where I’m going to have to help him in any way. I know that probably sounds cold of me but I can’t take care of someone and I’m sure as fuck not going to let this guy freeload off of me because he’s made poor choices. I’ve helped enough people out by letting them stay with me and all they do is eat my food, run up my utility bills and trash my house so I’m just not going to let it happen anymore. I’m just too fucking old to have these kinds of people in my life.

I get annoyed with people like this because I’ve always had to be independent. I’ve always had to have a car and my own place so it’s really annoying to have known so many people that don’t seem to mind couch surfing and having to find rides everywhere and then they think because I’m single and self sufficient that I’m some kind of fool that’s going to let them come use me, like I haven’t been through it before. This ain’t my first rodeo and I’ll be damned to let other people’s poor choices affect me in any way whatsoever.

It’s crazy how much I’ve changed and how I seriously have no problem being completely honest with people. I’ve told Eric that he’s not allowed to spend the night and I’m not going to deal with him trying to tell me what to do. He likes to get super bossy with me and then I tell him to fuck off. I’m also pissed that he’s asked to stay with me when I’ve told him no numerous times. I will just keep saying no until he gets it, I’m not changing my mind. I do believe that he gets it but just thinks that if he keeps asking I will eventually give in which isn’t going to happen. I also am not going to be responsible for giving him rides either. It’s bullshit that every time we hang out, I have to go pick him up and then give him a ride just to get rid of him. I just can’t wrap my head around how this guy thinks I’d ever want to date him!!!

Anyways, work is going alright. I’m definitely ready for a day off though. I work tomorrow until 4pm and then Saturday 11 to 8pm probably. I need the hours. We get paid tonight at midnight (direct deposit) and I’m just hoping my check will be enough to cover my rent, or pretty close to it. I really wish they would lower the amount because I get so fucking sick of worrying about this every month. It doesn’t seem to matter when I work less hours either because the amount stays the same!! It’s seriously bullshit!!!

So the Belviq. My nurse sent my insurance company a fax yesterday morning and I’m really hopeful to hear something tomorrow. It’s been over a month now trying to get this shit approved and I’m going to be pissed if it doesn’t happen but I have a coupon for $75 a month for the prescription should they deny me. I really can’t afford it but I will use a credit card if I have to as I really want to get back on it. I was on it for 2 weeks and could already see my weight dropping and my appetite shrinking down to nothing. I know that it’s going to take a lot of work on my part with diet and exercise but I just feel like I would be more successful with the help of this drug. I could already feel myself changing and liked seeing the results everyday when I weighed myself. I just hope my insurance will cover it because I already pay $130 a month for health insurance and dental so shit is getting really fucking spendy!! It’s taken forever but hopefully they will approve me. If not, I will just have my doctor call it in next week and I’ll just go get it. I’m not going to let myself be held back because of my insurance. I need this because I want to start getting healthy and I’m honestly sick of being so heavy. It bothers me everyday and I’m ready to start making some good changes.

I’m happy that my parents made such an effort on my birthday. They haven’t done that in recent years so hopefully this is a start of something good. I really hope they will continue on this good path and I can get to know them again but as of now, like always I don’t have expectations at all. We’ll just see how things go.

It’s been super windy and cold lately and it’s really starting to piss me off. I honestly hate the weather here and really hope it will get warm and stay that way. We have days where it’s absolutely beautiful and then it goes back to this shit and it’s so annoying!! I’m sick of freezing my ass off!!!

Time to go take a hot bath so I can get warm and put in a movie..