Twitter: Not technically an update in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Not technically an update just a freak out.....

BAR bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar. I’m freaking out because I keep thinking about it, I keep feeling shitty about it and I won’t find out ANYTHING for another 18 days! This was so much easier last time!! Last time… I knew I failed, I didn’t care that I failed… I knew I needed a “Dress Rehearsal” and that was it… THIS TIME the performance matters… and it matters a lot. BAR bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar bar. PLEASE SWEET JESUS I HOPE I PASSED!

In other news… I wish a woman would appear that would make me feel wanted, appreciated, and sexy. Granted… that is why my wife and I are going to counseling but… I do worry that my more polite and gentile side will take over in counseling. I don’t want to say “Mag, I wish my wife and I were more intimate.” I want to say “Mag, my wife makes me hate myself for waiting!” I just… it feels like SO MUCH of my life right now is out of my control. And I get it. As a Christian, I am supposed to come to terms with that. The Christian Ethos suggests God has a plan and a path and in order for us to accept and be at peace with things we don’t understand- we simply hand over the reigns. If I can’t control the horses, I might as well hand the reigns over to someone who can. I get it. I’ve been raised in this. But I’m tired of not moving forward; I’m tired of wanting to feel wanted; I’m tired of FEAR. I just want to (1) pass the bar; (2) get a job; (3) finally get my God Damned wedding photos; and (4) feel like my wife wants me. Honestly… is that really too much to ask?

Last updated January 04, 2016