Sleepy Redemption in Ultimate Randomness

Well, here we are again. It’s been awhile since I dropped in, but life as always is hectic these days and there are fewer new thoughts that pop into my head as did this time a year ago. And like everything, there is a certain ebb and flow to my interests, including my ability to write. It all seems to come and go. Video games, reading, writing, and watching television. As it turns out, it was the last that has inspired me to write. One show that I have been watching alot lately (caught up on two whole seasons in the last three weeks in fact) is Sleepy Hollow. Great show, definitely a must watch for anyone who enjoys supernaturally themed shows. It follows the exploits of Abagail Mills, a young lieutenant in the sheriff’s department in the town of Sleepy Hollow, New York (yes, that Sleepy Hollow), and one Ichabod Crane (yes, that one too) who fought and beheaded the Horseman in battle during the Revolutionary war. He was fatally wounded also, however, and would have died had he not been put into a stasis by his wife, Katrina Van Tassel. He awakens over 200 years later to find the Horseman risen and a creature named Moloch trying to bring about the Apocalypse. Turns out, Ichabod and Abbie are the prophesied Witnesses spoken about in the Book of Revelations. I am going to try not to spoil too much of the show in case people are trying to catch up as I have or intend to start watching the show. If either is the case, I warn you now that the inspiration behind this entry is going to be a HUGE spoiler to the show. If that is a problem, best to stop reading now. It’s ok, I’ll wait…

Hopefully, that left enough space. Well, for those of you who stuck it out, Katrina was imprisoned in Purgatory for saving Ichabod. Through many trials, Ichabod managed to free his wife from Purgatory, braving many battles and defying the odds. He would stop at nothing to save his beloved wife from Purgatory. However, finding out that she was not only a spy for the colonists in the Revolutionary War, but also was a witch and was pregnant with a child he did not know about at the time of his death, put some holes in his ability to trust her. When it turned out she was a complicit witness in the accidental death of his previous fiancee, who he was betrothed to as a child and really cared for as a friend only, his trust was essentially shattered. Hey, she kept an awful lot of important secrets from him. She, too, had started to grow away from Ichabod. However, her biggest problem seemed to be that he was close to Abbie, which was pretty much by default and Ichabod never once betrayed her trust with Abbie either. Also, that Ichabod could not see the good in their son. Sure, he was the Horseman of War (yes, those Horsemen) and had attempted to betray and kill his parents at every turn, but she was mad that Ichabod could not see the good in him, even after their son had attempted to kill his mother by using her as a vessel to bring a demon into this world and helped unleash Moloch through different means on the world. Those different means being taking an orphaned child and infusing him with life essence stolen from people by a succubus. I think I have made my point pretty clearly. Well, at the end of the second season, it all comes to a breaking point where Katrina finally unleashes the darkness in herself and turns against Ichabod, attempting to kill him multiple times, even going so far as to cast a spell that sent her back in time so she could help the Headless Horseman, otherwise known as the Horseman of Death, kill Ichabod. So, in short, Ichabod wakes up in a time he does not know and does everything he can to not only try to avert the Apocalypse, but rescue his beloved from Purgatory only to be reunited with her to find out she has lied to him at every turn, resents him for having one friend in an unfamiliar place, and then gets mad at him for not believing there is good in their genocidal son, going so far as to try and kill him multiple times. If you have read my previous entries, you probably know where I am going with this. I mean, jeez, these writers must share the same view of love and have the same developed mistrust of being in a relationship that I have at this point. I hate to say it, but it seems that there is where I find myself. I am pretty sure I am going to be stuck in this holding pattern where I want to be with someone and want to express that side of myself, but am probably going to be too cynical and mistrustful to be of any good to anybody. I suppose that is the upside of knowing myself though. I’m not going to make the relationship mistakes I have in the past. That’s where the redemption part of the title comes in, that being The Shawshank Redemption. I’m sure most people probably know the basic story of Andy Dufresne, a banker convicted of murdering his wife and her lover and sent to Shawshank Prision. Of course, you see what happens to Andy in Shawshank and his eventual revenge against the warden and the guards through the eyes of his friend Red. But as I was watching this morning (I have also read the Stephen King novella that was the basis for the movie for all you purists out there), there was one part that caught my attention. Right before Andy breaks out of prison in the middle of the night, he has a conversation with Red about his wife’s murder and how he feels responsible for it. He says, “I killed her Red. Sure as if I pulled the trigger myself.” He admits that he is a hard man to know and it hurt his relationship with his wife. He was so introspective and closed off from emotion that he feels responsible for driving his wife into the arms of another man, resulting in her death. And I know that is a mistake I made in my own relationship. I have never had the easiest time showing emotion with other people. Yes, I worked alot to try to keep us solvent. Yes, I was tired as hell when I came home. But still, I should have tried harder. Am I saying it is all my fault? If you have come this far, you know that isn’t the case. But I do know full well that I hold my own responsibility for how things turned out. Maybe that is why I am still here…well, that and being afraid of the unknown. Like I said, a holding pattern. One I really don’t know how to slip without being so deathly afraid of losing what little I have left in my life. Taking chances is not really my thing. Every time I have, it ends up biting me in the ass. Going away to college, moving to Tennessee, leaving my full time job. Everything has led me to where I am right now: sleeping in a spare bed in a house with my ex and her boyfriend, working two dead end jobs. I may be a good person, a great guy even, but unfortunately, as much as it seems like people treasure these things in a person, it isn’t enough and I don’t know that I’m capable of being more, as much as I need to be. Well, time to bring this to a close. Hopefully, you all have been entertained and, if this is your first entry reading, feel free to read a few of the previous entries to get caught up on things. It is an awfully long story. Anyhow, good day to all and until next time.