Some people are just draining. in Since OD is shutting down....

Yesterday was just a shitty day all the way around. I was having a horrible day at work so I called my brother hoping he would be there for me and he wasn’t, like usual. He asked me if I had seen or heard from his girlfriend when he knew I was at work all fucking day and he knows that she doesn’t have my phone number. Well by the time I got off work I was in an even worse mood because my boss was such a fucking bitch. He calls to say that he lost his wallet at the gas station that had his rent money in it and he was just flipping balls.

I told him that’s not not the end of the world and it’s a completely fixable situation. I told him to just use his credit card to which he said he couldn’t because they were all maxed out. He told me when he got his taxes (like a month ago) that he paid them all off so that pissed me off. I then asked him why he never paid off his old bank account (he owed like $200) and he said because other things have come up (in the past 2 years) so that’s why he still doesn’t have a checking account. He was just full of excuses and turned down every suggestion I came up with because whenever he gets like this, there’s nothing you can say to calm him down and make him realize things are going to be okay.

He kept text me last night asking me what I was doing and I wasn’t answering because I was sleeping so I finally responded telling him that so about a half hour later he asks if I can take his kid to daycare this morning. Um okay what part of I’m sleeping do you not understand?!?!?!? I don’t know why he doesn’t ever consider the fact that I’m at work or sleeping but it’s gotten really old. I’m also sick of him acting like I should never be tired or stressed out about anything.

I know that he’s really overly dramatic because he gets it from our parents but I get sick of him never being there for me and how his problems are always far worse than anything I have going on! I’m not going to feel too terrible about him losing that money as he should have paid off his bank account so he wouldn’t have had to be carrying a shit ton of cash on him in the first place! I also got annoyed when he said he couldn’t use a credit card because they were all used up when he told me not too long ago that he paid them all off! So I suggest applying for another one and he said he couldn’t do that for whatever reason and it’s like ok well I’m not going to pay your bills for you! His rent is actually way cheaper than mine because he gets half his pay under the table so it’s not counted as income!

It’s also bullshit that if he needed me to take his kid to daycare he couldn’t have asked earlier in the day but several minutes after I let him know I’m sleeping for him to ask! Fucking rude and inconsiderate! I’m sorry that he had a tough day but I have plenty of them and he never gives any kind of a fuck! I deal with EVERYTHING by myself so it’s really hard for me to have a lot of sensitivity for other people, especially when they aren’t there for me!

I just get so tired of getting to figure everything out for myself and having no one to help me make decisions but expected to be there to fix everyone else’s fucking problems! What the fuck does anyone want from me! I’m sorry that it happened to him but I feel like it’s his own fault for not having a fucking checking account so he wouldn’t have had to carry that cash on him! He was also telling me how all of his vehicles are out of gas! He owns 4 vehicles and he’s bitching about gas?! Fuck I have one car that I don’t even own and bitch way less than he does!

My brother is a life sucking bag of hell, just like my parents and that’s why I stay away from them so I don’t know where he thinks I need to just put up with his shit but I’m tired of trying to explain to him that if it wasn’t for his kid, I would never speak to him again. I’m sorry that he’s where he’s at but I get so fucking sick of listening to him bitch because he’s not willing to change anything. He fucking hates his job but stays because he has social anxiety like me but listening to him go on and on about how much his job sucks really gets old. I also get sick of him acting like his life is so fucking hard when he gets food stamps, help with his light bill, doesn’t have to pay for medical coverage, doesn’t insure his vehicles and half his income is paid under the table! I don’t get nearly as much help as him and have way more bills but I don’t bitch to him about it because he doesn’t fucking care!

I just wish I could have some supportive people in my life but I don't. I am my own best friend and always will be. I don't have anyone that will listen to me go on and on about how horrible my life is and don't care to be anyone else's sounding board for that either. My brother has severe mental issues that stem from being a selfish inconsiderate piece of shit and that's why I get super annoyed whenever he calls is because he needs someone to listen to how horrible his life is when it's not that bad at all.

Ugh, I’ve smoked a couple of times and just feel sick. I’m not taking any to work with me and don’t plan on buying any more. I seriously am not cut out to be a smoker and wish I could find a better stress outlet. I don’t know why I even bought a pack but I feel like I’m gonna throw up.

Time to get ready for work and see what bullshit is in store for me today. Monday can’t come soon enough.