Honesty is NOT the best policy. in Since OD is shutting down....

Quick entry before I go to bed. So earlier this afternoon I drop the bomb about me finding another job and it didn’t go well. I start off saying that I can only commit to being able to work Tuesday and Wednesday of next week and after that I’m probably not coming back and my boss became a super bitch. She asked where and I didn’t answer but just said that I’m being offered $8.50 an hour and she reminded me about the bonus (which I doubt I’ll even get because I’m gonna be working somewhere else by the time we get it) and how she’s done everything she could to give me the schedule I want but I told her that it’s embarrasing that I make the same pay as the new people when I’ve been around a seriously long time, I’m never going to be what I want to be (which is to be a respected manager and authority figure) and how I can’t take the drama anymore.

She was super pissed and I didn’t even have the nerve or chance to ask about being able to come back if things didn’t work out. Because she was being such a bitch, I don’t want to come back. I just can’t handle things the way they are there anymore and no matter what I would have said, she wouldn’t have understood where I was coming from. They act like we are offered such a good deal with the incentives when all they are is to just make us work harder for a little bit extra instead of giving us all minimum wage.

I know that I’m gonna have anxiety whether I stay or not. I don’t want to continue working for a place where I have to worry about someone starting shit with me and talking about me behind my back. I am so completely done with that bitch and the drama associated with her and every time I think about it, I know that getting a job somewhere else is in my best interest. I just want the drama to end. I am just getting too old for this bullshit. That girl did everything she could to make a scene the other night and I’ll be dammed if I’m going to stick around and have to keep my guard up!

The thought of getting into a new job where I really don’t know anyone makes my stomach drop. It does suck but I’m sure within the first day, I’ll find someone to befriend and I’ll be just fine. I think the toughest part is doing stuff a different way than what I’m used to. I honestly know I’ll be just fine, it’s just going to suck feeling this stress and anxiety until Monday morning when I have to be there. I also have to remind myself why I applied there in the first place and that I’ve let enough better paying jobs slip through my fingers.

If the place where I’m at wasn’t such a shithole, it would make this process a lot easier but this is something I’ve thought about for a seriously long time and I know that just because I’m going to make more money hourly somewhere else, doesn’t necessarily mean I’m gonna be happier but I want to make a certain amount of money doing the job I want to do. I think it’s bullshit that I’ve worked my ass off for the past year an a half for company like this. It’s ridiculous that I’ve stayed loyal to a place that’s done nothing but shit on me since the day I got hired.

I always knew I would be leaving but I just wanted to keep putting it off but then I felt like if I did then it would just make it that much harder when I did go. This process has been super stressful and I’ve smoked a few cigs again today which is just gross and I’m not going to keep doing it but I feel like if I don’t, I’m just going to go crazy. It’s not a habit I want to have and I thought I left it behind me 3 years ago but I just need it to get me through. This is a super stressful time in my life and I don’t have any social outlet to help so I have to do something to make myself feel better.

The thought of meeting all new people makes me anxious but it also makes me a tad hopeful that maybe I could actually meet some decent people too. I’m going to make sure not to mix business with pleasure at this new place because that’s why things are so fucked where I’m at but maybe I’d work with people who could handle treating me like an actual human being. I hung out with a couple of guys that work there so I still worry about that being awkward but I’m sure it will be fine.

I gotta work in the morning so I’m gonna lay down. I just slept like 3 hours on the couch but I am still tired so I’m gonna go to bed but I am just …stressed. I know that everything that’s happening to me is supposed to be and everything will be okay but my anxiety is still kicking my ass. I felt bad about telling my boss I was leaving but because she reacted in such a negative way, I don’t feel as bad anymore. I have to do what’s best for me and what’s best for me isn’t staying there.

Last updated March 20, 2015