Day off was great. in Since OD is shutting down....

I really didn’t do shit today. I talked to my car salesman about paying for my tires this morning and then went to the bank, got gas, got some lunch and then came home and passed out for about 3 hours on the couch. I was annoyed as fuck because people kept running in and out so the door would slam shut but overall, my sleep was absolutely incredible and I am so glad to get some rest. I went to my brother’s this evening to see my niece and get her ready for bed. She is just too cute and it really makes my life worth living getting to see her.

I’ve done a lot of thinking and realize that if I for whatever reason stay at my current job, I need to cut way down on hours and get a second job for during the day. I am sick of being there full time and I hate when I’m stuck there late on Friday or Saturday night because we finally get busy right before I’m supposed to get off which is good for my tips but I also end up feeling bad because my niece is waiting for me to come get her or kiss her goodnight. I don’t like letting her down or knowing she’s waiting for me.

I have every intention of quitting once I hear from the new job and when I am to start orientation. I’ve decided that if I don’t hear from them then I’m going to take it as a sign that I’m supposed to stay where I’m at and just cut down on hours. I am seriously so fucking sick of looking at all of the people I work with and am completely over everyone’s bullshit. I work my ass off but if I stop for a couple of minutes to respond to text messages or something then someone is freaking out. I know that it’s time for me to get better for myself and if I don’t get the job I interviewed for then maybe I need to get into something different all together.

My anxiety is getting me but I’m still very excited at the thought of getting into a new job and getting around new people too. I wish he’d hurry up and call so I know what’s going on because I’ve already decided that if I don’t hear from him, I’m not going to call because I feel that I’ve done my part of applying, interviewing and bringing them all my paperwork they needed so the ball is in his court now.

I think the things I’m struggling with the most is being made to feel like I don’t have choices and like because if she’s around then I don’t have say over anything, especially my own stuff. I don’t like being made to feel like I’m just fucking stuck there because I’m not. There’s plenty of other jobs out there that would pay me a lot better and I’m gonna find one no matter what. I’m still pissed about my boss telling me the other day about how I’m not going to get along with everyone and blah blah blah almost as if she could read my mind about finding another job and trying to talk me out of it. This bitch needs to understand that I already know I’m not going to get along with everyone but I’m sick and tired of being uncomfortable at work when this certain person is working and having to be on guard worrying about her starting shit with me like she did the other night. I also get really forgetful when she’s around because she makes me so uncomfortable and I’m really sick of that too.

There’s just so many reasons I’m ready to find a new job and I just think it’s my time to make that happen. I just don’t like being made to feel like I’m just stuck where I’m at and that’s it. It pisses me off that my boss justified everything that bitch did and said to me the other night instead of being a little more understanding but everything happens for reason and I think it’s all becoming more and more clear for me to get into something else. I mean yeah I’m nervous as hell and it’s gonna suck going off to be the new kid somewhere else but I always knew that I would be moving on too.

I’m going to check out the pound as well. I’ve always wanted to work with animals so I’m gonna see if they are hiring. There’s just so many things I want to do and maybe it’s not my calling to stay at the same place forever. I have a lot to offer the world and it would be great to find a job that would be a really good fit for me and would actually believe in raises and treating their employees better than what I’m used to.

Tomorrow is a new day and anything could happen. I do plan on sleeping in and then I might see about getting some applications. I haven’t completely decided as I’m still waiting for the manager of that restaurant to call but if I don’t hear from him than I’m not going to bother him either and I’m just going to put myself out there towards looking into getting in a brand new field of work. There’s so many jobs out there and I don’t want to limit myself to just one place or one certain type of work just because it’s all I know.

I just don’t want to stay where I’m at for too much longer because it’s going to make me feel like I’m selling myself short. I don’t want to use excuses like I stayed because I knew everyone and blah blah blah because I feel like wherever I choose to go would pay me better than where I’m at now. It’s just bullshit what I’m paid but as long as I stay, it’s my own fault. I know that I’m never going to get a raise and they think if I just continue to put up with it than I’m alright with everything and that’s just not true. I know they’ve started the new incentive shit but even that’s a fucking joke. It’s basically set up for us to be better employees for a few extra peanuts. It’s stupid when I could go off and get a job doing the exact same thing for more money where I wouldn’t have to worry about the stupid shit I’m being offered now.

Ugh, anyways, I’m fucking tired and my muscle relaxer is kicking in so I’m going to bed. I’ll write more tomorrow before work if that manager calls early enough in the day.