Mixed felings. in Since OD is shutting down....

I worked 4-7pm tonight and made $53 which was really awesome considering I worked like 9 hours yesterday and made $66. I was happy to have such a short shift, especially when I will work noon to 8pm tomorrow. I do have mixed feelings about leaving but every time I think about the new job, I get super excited and just can’t wait to get in there and get trained. I’m nervous of course because I have to learn all new people, a new menu, and a whole bunch of new shit but there’s been so many job offers that I’ve turned down in the past year and I just can’t see myself turning down another job to stay where I don’t make decent money and feel stuck.

There’s a big part of me that wants to stay but it’s mainly because I don’t want that bitch to think she’s won. It bothers me that she’ll think I left just because of her and that’s not true. It’s been a long time coming and I am so ready to give this new job a shot and see how much different/better it is. It seems a lot more controlled and isn’t as flexible so hopefully that might help in different ways for me. I plan to tell my boss something so that if things didn’t work out, I’d be able to come back but that might be a problem as I’m not giving them a 2 weeks notice. I do believe they would more than likely let me come back because I’ve been there for so long but I’ll just have to wait and see how things play out. I am honestly hoping that tomorrow is going to be my last day there.

I’m getting more and more nervous but I think it’s more because I know a couple of guys that worked there because I hung out with them and nothing happened so I worry they might make things awkward but guys don’t hold grudges like chicks do I’m sure everything will be okay. I made my decision last night to get a job there so there’s no way I’m going to stay where I’m at. I’ve let too many jobs slip through my fingers to stay loyal to the place I’m at and for what? I still don’t make shit and even if I managed full time, I would actually be losing money because I only make $9/hour managing and I can’t live on that. I’d actually be more fucked if I gave up making tips.

My boss talked to me when I got there and she basically justified everything that happened last night and said that I tend to get emotional over things and when she first confronted me last night about the voided ticket, I should have just said I had nothing to do with it and walked away. I tried to explain that she said that everyone else got asked and said no…so pretty much blaming me and then I got upset and things just escalated from there. My boss is really good about interrupting, not listening when I talk and making it seem like everything was my fault but I told her that I’m not working with that girl anymore as she is NOT my boss and I will not take orders from her. I know I probably sound super stubborn and I am but after what’s gone on with this bitch, it’s hard to see past my hatred for her.

I am just on this thing where I just don’t want to have to worry about it anymore. This might sound super paranoid of me but I feel like this bitch is going to do what she can to either get me fired or try to make things difficult for me. I think her life is really pathetic and empty and all she really has is this job so she needs to not only make sure to be a “boss” but to tear down someone all because of personal issues from the past. I don’t give any kind of a fuck what went on with us back when but when it starts to affect my job, that’s when I’m going to take shit personally! I don’t feel that I am an emotional person but last night I did get pretty emotional because this bitch was pushing every fucking button possible and I can’t risk losing my job or letting someone get to me like she did.

It’s about 10pm here and I’m going to head to bed here soon. I just can’t seem to turn my mind off about my job situation. I don’t want to leave where I’m at but I don’t like all the responsibility I have for such little pay and at the end of the day, I have no real authority. I don’t like having my balls chopped off right in front of me AND I’m supposed to be okay with it. I deal with this shit and then everyone wonders why I constantly second guess myself. I’m always made to feel like I’m not doing things right or being made to feel like I don’t bust my ass when I worked a helluva lot harder to get where I’m at as she even said she didn’t want to be in charge of anyone or have any real responsibility! She got promoted because she was able to come in and close, not because she actually earned it.

I have gone over all of this in my head about a million times since last night and I know that I’m ready to just get into my new job and be settled and then I’ll feel better about everything. I think the toughest part is being in between right now. I like my job because it’s so laid back but I don’t like how shitty it’s ran and how much shit I’m required to do and YET, there’s still NOTHING SAID ABOUT A FUCKING RAISE! These fucking people expect me to just bust my fucking ass and not ever get upset over anything, even though my paychecks barely pay everything so if it wasn’t for tips, I seriously would be so fucked!

It’s hard for me to not get emotional when someone is doing everything they can to strike a fucking nerve. It pisses me off that my boss wouldn’t just hear me out and just kept saying that whatever is going on between is a deep rooted thing from when we were friends and that she doesn’t even want to know about it which is fine because none of it matters but I just don’t want to keep worrying about this person. I’m sick of the silent treatment and her acting like I don’t exist to being told I can’t leave, threatened to get written up and being called out for not doing anything when she’s standing there texting on her phone too!

Ugh, it’s whatever. I don’t even know why I’m still letting what happened last night bother me. I found a new job and I’m going to just keep moving forward. Life is too fucking short to worry about stupid drama with some bitch that shouldn’t even matter. I think that she was super mean last night because it bothers her that we aren’t friends anymore and it’s her way of lashing out. I honestly don’t care that we aren’t homies but I just wish that she could have been more professional about things last night and treat me like an actual human being. It’s time to let go of the past and just forget about all of it, good and bad. I seriously wish I would have NEVER been friends with her outside of work and that’s why I don’t make that mistake anymore. It’s just not worth it and if I would have known things were going to turn out like this, I definitely would have done things differently. I’m sorry that she’s still pissed about the past but I am not going to just take her shit either. I wish I would have been meaner to her last night but I didn’t because there was customers in the store but I’m still very angry about the way she talked to me.

Anyways. New treadmill was left at my door yesterday. Don’t know when but I have it so I’m gonna hope my brother will put it together for me. I will give it another shot and hope this one will last longer than the other one. I’m super fucking tired so I’m gonna get my ass to bed. I really wish I could stay at the job I’m at but I already like the new boss and don’t want to let him down. I just wish I was already there working so I can get the ice broken and not be the new kid anymore. I tend to get really dumb when I’m nervous and I’m worried people will think I’m stupid or something. I’m over thinking. I just wish that I didn’t have to make this decision but life is too short to be anything but happy and I’m ready to explore another job. I owe it to myself to give this job a chance.

Time to go watch tv and pass out.