She’s Got Everything She Needs… in Everyday Ramblings

She’s an artist, she don’t look back…

Except once in a very long while, like now.

My oldest sister’s editor is working on a proper obituary for her. They knew each other in various times of their lives since they were both idealist young adults but there are many parts of her life her editor did not know about. So we have been asked to fill in gaps on this extraordinary timeline my niece was able to create a few weeks ago.

Last night an email came through asking for pictures right away. Kes and my oldest sister had been through the family snapshots sometime in the last ten years sorting them by era so Kes was able to pull some that we all liked out.

I haven’t a clue where my snapshots are. In an envelope in a box somewhere and last night I had to leave to teach close after work. These are two of the photographs Most Honorable was able to scan for the memorial.

This first one is the three of us in 2008, so seven years ago, just before Mr. Finch got sick. That is Kes on the left and my oldest sister on the right and me in the middle responding to something delightful Most Honorable who was taking the picture was saying or doing. I look quite a bit older than that now, though both Kes and I also weigh significantly less, (100 lbs. less between us.)

This is the absolute favorite of all of ours family snapshot. I am the not exactly happy about having my picture taken little one in my elegant older sister’s arms. This not liking to be photographed trait has continued throughout my whole life. :)

The truth is I am not okay about losing my sister. I will be okay someday and I am capable of functioning but I am preoccupied and in so many ways brought up short by it all, this incredible unwanted transformational passage.

Irritable and insecure I wonder what color is grief anyway?

Kes and I were talking about how this isn’t exactly like walking the black dog of depression and I think maybe it is more like walking a wild-eyed blue-gray hound that mostly minds but every once in awhile turns and snarls at the walker.

There are sweet moments too of course.

I did make the oatmeal cupcakes mentioned in the previous post (with the Carlo’s supervision). They are wonderfully filling, better the second day. I used applesauce and butter infused olive oil and dried cranberries. Kes made them with dried cherries and a few chocolate chips. She says they are a little on the heavy side for her but great for an afternoon snack.

S. and I had a fun relatively short walk on Sunday exploring a public staircase near my place that has spectacular views and as we were standing there on this beautiful curvy narrow street with gazillion dollar houses on each side of us and lovely gardens we looked up and saw a red tailed hawk, soaring, soaring above in the deep blue sky.

In spite of the grief, (or maybe partially because of how it reminds me of how precious and fleeting our days are while we are such as we are) this so far has been the best spring ever…

Tulips, we have tulips in bloom.

Last updated March 10, 2015