of beauty and rage in 2015

I just want to gripe that I might be the only person I know who gains weight when she’s sick. And by gains weight, I mean ends up eating lots of crunchy starches and carbonated beverages to control the manic coughing and post-nasal drip. My stomach is literally full of snot and air and the soda/chips/crunchy things required to scrape the back of my throat clean and keep the snot from coming back up as vomit.

Yes, I had a relapse over the last week. I am not surprised. I was anticipating everything trying to go to hell. So I got sick and my birth control was handled poorly by the pharmacy, ending in a three-month prescription for $300, which is a big fat no. It’s all taken care of, and I have to teach the pharmacy techs how to use the discount card I have, but still.

Also, coughing up a sore and exhausted lung, on antibiotics, etc. At least I’ve stopped coughing/sneezing up solid green things. We’re up to clear, when anything comes up at all! Progress! But I also ended up going to Walgreens and asking for the strongest OTC cough suppressant they had, because I hadn’t had an uninterrupted night of sleep in a week.

Between fighting off whatever this is (pharyngitis? sinusitis? baby bronchitis?), gearing up for the wedding, and not sleeping at night because of coughing, I am TIRED. I am physically worn out. I finished some thrift store wedding shopping with Aimee this afternoon and ended up lying down and dozing for 2 hours. Exercise? LOL. Nope. Getting up at 3am to mainline Goldfish crackers and water until my throat stops spasming? Yup. I haven’t even been able to walk at lunch because I’ve had errands to run. Like getting my marriage license and going to the doctor.

Which is fucking tragic, because at the end of February, I had my weight/measurements exactly as I wanted them, felt great, and was ready to seize the fucking day.

NOPE.

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

I have no concerns about my dress fitting. It will. It’s just frustrating to have everything as I wanted and to feel great and not coughing and then it all blow up overnight. Literally, overnight. Sunday I felt great. Monday I was on my knees in the bathroom puking up snot and taking round-the-clock Benadryl trying to stem the gushing. I’d be drinking water instead of soda, but water doesn’t do anything to fix my throat. Even juice barely works. I need the carbonation and the syrup to calm it the eff down.

Bitch, moan, sulk, pout.

Hopefully I can take a long walk tomorrow. The weather should cooperate. Let’s see if my body does.