oh these things in 2015

12:46pm

I feel like my writing on here has turned into a bunch of random spiels on things that don’t matter. I mean, maybe it’s always been that way, but it suddenly feels different. I’d like to be doing things, exploring the world and having adventures, and then writing all about them in here. It seems like whenever I actually have some grand adventure, I don’t end up writing about it. There’s too much to say and it’s too overwhelming for my procrastinating brain. Walking contradiction, I tell ya.

Anyway. Life’s the same. I’m working every day, which is really fine. Not a complaint. I like being busy during this part of the year. It goes by so fast though and I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Like suddenly it’s the last day of February. How did that even happen?

I am excited about the way the days are getting longer though! For some reason, this year I am really looking forward to summer. I want to hang out in the courtyard and kick my feet up all afternoon. I want to eat lots of BBQ and try new recipes for all that good stuff that only tastes exceptional when it’s warm out. And I want to drink copious amounts of good beer too, but let’s keep that our little secret. ;-)

It kinda sucks that whenever I think about beer these days, I always think about CK. Those two are synonymous with each other now and I don’t know how to change that. I guess it doesn’t matter much but it’s not going to be the way it was.

You know, I always sorta thought that we’d do better if we ran into each other a few years from now. Like I always imagine that we’ll probably lose touch [move further apart, run out of stuff to say via text, etc] and then we’ll some how cross paths again in the future. And everything will be good.

I don’t know. I’m not sure I like to think about it like that. Because I honestly do enjoy talking to him and the idea of not keeping in touch isn’t a good one. It’s weird because the talking and stuff is always nice but we haven’t spent that much time together in person. Yet I get that feeling like we’re good friends, which we probably aren’t.

I’m overthinking it, I know. Leave me alone. I’m crazy, and I overanalyze, and I spend way too much time concocting these moments in my head. blah. Silly brain. It needs to find something else to obsess over. Seriously. Move on, Rose!

But yeah, we were running a long text thing for a while there. He didn’t respond for a few days and then I stupidly sent another text because damnit I can’t help myself! So we started back up again, but it’s mostly slow going. Yesterday I sent a text to Tony and left my phone in my room for a while after he didn’t respond right away [he’s a big texter, that guy]. I was doing random things in the kitchen when I decided to take a picture of some beer bottles [because I’m silly and weird and it was funny]. I ran to my room to get my phone and picked it up to find 4 new messages. I immediately assumed that Tony went on a text spree because he’s pretty good at those. But when I clicked over I actually saw “CK” at the top with a little envelope and Tony’s name down below. I guess in the 10 minutes I decided to put my phone down, they suddenly decided to respond.

I hate that I wait for it though. Like now when it’s only been like 24hrs and I have things I want to, or could, say but it’s not my turn. Mostly, maybe, I just want him to want to talk to me. Or something.

geez. why am I still typing here? I need to go to bed and enjoy my day off tomorrow. There are about a dozen chores that need to be done on my only day off but it magically decided to rain and I’m not going to complain about that. Rain if you must, world! I’m all for it. Cuddling up in my warm blankets all day also sounds like a perfect plan and I’ll do whatever mother nature suggests. :-)

That’s enough now.

rose.
10:16pm