friendly all the time in 2015

9:51pm

Let’s see how far I can get on one of these things today. I keep trying to put something together and only make it through a few lines before I’m distracted and can’t make it back to the computer until hours later. At that point things just aren’t rolling around in my head the same way anymore.

I have been trying to put together a certain entry and just realized that it’s almost two weeks old already. I can’t decide if I should just scrap the whole thing or try to work it out and post whatever I can come up with. We’ll see I guess. Once I find time to sit down and work all the thoughts out into a coherent set of words.

Other happening things: work’s picking up again. We’ll be working every day for the next few weeks, except Easter Sunday. That’s alright though. We’re almost done and I’m so ready to just lay out in the sun and relax. It’s been a rough year, not what I expected in terms of work stuff, and I want to move on from it. Plus all the other junk that’s been floating around my head this year. Trying to move on and not being able to let go. It’s been interesting to say the least. =\

So JR was in here the other day. He’d invited me to his birthday last weekend, but I was working. Then he called my mom’s cell on Sunday [because I still haven’t given him my number…gotta keep the business/personal line set (even though he has my fb but I hardly post)] and asked to speak to me. He was going to BBQ again and said I could stop by to pick some up. We all know I would never do something like that though. I’m way too shy, anti-social, and can feel all the anxiety at just the thought of showing up at a stranger’s house. JR would have been the only person I knew. Well, I mean, I know other people from school but I haven’t spoken to them and I doubt they’d even know who I was. So yeah, not gonna happen.

Instead I spent Sunday working in the yard, soaking up the sun, and drinking too much. haha. I kept a pretty good buzz going on all afternoon, but then I kinda overdid it at the end there. It’s a tough balancing act to ride that line. ;-)

He did end up bringing us some leftovers on Monday though. And we turned those into tri-tip burritos on Thursday, which were covered in homemade salsa on a homemade tortilla. Delicious!

When he stopped by on Thursday, we were filling out some forms to fax, and he started telling me about how all these girls are after him all of a sudden. He’s not sure what happened, because he’s been single a while, but I guess it’s because he’s finally started to go out and do things on his own. I think it’s great that he’s out there again!

Also, I think it’s great that he’s telling me these things. Because I am really hoping that that means we’ll be on a friend level. [is it funny that I actually want to be put in the friend zone? hah] Of course it’s hard to tell if he’s saying these things because we’re friends, or because he wants to gage my reaction in terms of jealousy. I’m leaning towards the former though because he didn’t seem to be paying much attention to my response. I mean he was showing us [mom and I] a picture of one of the girls and then he let me read messages from another one. And she was bold, my gosh, I can’t imagine being like that. People must think I come straight outta the 1950s with the way I approach boys. hah. Anyway, she just said something about how she didn’t know if he had a girlfriend or not but she’d love to grab a drink sometime.

The difference between her and I is that I would probably just ask to hang out and grab a drink. Or maybe I wouldn’t approach them at all. haha. Apparently I need to make it a lot more clear that I am interested in being more than friends right from the beginning. Shoot! This is where I’ve been going wrong all these years!! Why did no one tell me sooner?! =P

Yeah, so, while we were sitting down he told me how hard he finds it to get back into the dating game. To start all over and all that. He’s kind of having a hard time adjusting to this new single way of life. He even admitted that it’s tough being lonely, which I was totally surprised to hear. I told him, before I realized what I was saying, that I didn’t really know anything about that because I prefer to be on my own.

And I guess that’s a good thing to blurt out, right? That I didn’t hesitate to say something like that out loud? I mean, for the most part, I am better off on my own. I’m not very good at sharing, and I can’t even fathom the idea of someone wanting to be around All.The.Time.
But obviously I get lonely, and I crave attention like any other human being. That’s not really anything I can help, but I’m not sure that I’d be very good at being with someone else either. As much as I love the idea of being with someone else and having someone to do everything with, I don’t know if I could pull it off in reality.

Either way. It’s nice to know that he’s telling me these things. It’ll be really nice to know that we’re just going to be friends and this isn’t going to be awkward or weird. Because I think we’d be pretty great at the friend thing; as long as we don’t drink together. The two of us drinking together would probably cause some kind of riot. Or we’d both just feed into each other’s alcoholism. heh.

Work’s almost over. Time to go shut everything down and head for home [well, church first, then home] to relax and unwind. I have to be back here tomorrow but at least it’s only for a few hours and I can still sorta sleep in. =)

rose.
4:43pm

Last updated March 24, 2015