2/18/15 in 2014

I may go into more details about Ben and I at a later date, but it’s still something I don’t particularly want to talk. Maybe I would if it wasn’t for the fact he keeps turning everything around back on me. The latest is saying that I fear anything real and run when it becomes real I run. I think I would have done that before four years in and being engaged for most of it.

Ugh,

But yes, James and I. That I do want to talk about,

It’s rather odd finding yourself barreling out the door in one relationship to find someone standing outside the door.

I can tell you all this now. It’s not a rebound. He came over the night Ben moved out and we talked for hours. Neither one of us ever stopped having feelings. We only broke up because he spiraled down a self destructive path and didn’t want to take me with him, which was starting to happen.

The funny thing is, during all of the drama, my dad ended up coming over and hanging out with me, James and Tammera for like an hour. The next morning, I talked to him and he goes, “And about James. I wanted to tell you something. If things were to happen between you and him again, I am not opposed to it. Just make sure you give yourself some time. Let it happen naturally. I’ve always liked him, he’s a good guy.”

That floored me. I figured my dad would hate him. They had a conflict once and the way James just bailed without any explanation for years had to have left a bad taste in his mouth since I pretty much died emotionally. But no. He likes him and approves as long as I take my time.

By the way, my dad, James and Tammera ended up talking for half an hour on how to make people disappear and it be untraceable. Just sayin’.

Anyway.

This past weekend, I stayed at his house Friday night since Robbie is at my parents on Friday’s, then he brought me home and stayed until Tuesday morning since we were snowed in Monday and neither of us could get to work.

Last week, I noticed while watching tv or movies, we both laugh at exactly the same time at the same parts. Random parts may get a chuckle from one of us, but the big laughs come at the same time. I made this comment to him and he hadn’t thought about it.

We were watching Rapture-Palooza on NetFlix Monday while being snow bound at my place and all of a sudden he made a comment.

“I’ve been paying attention to something. I noticed not only do we laugh at the same parts, we have the same laugh and the same mannerisms when we laugh. I’m waiting for someone at game to notice. ‘Alright, you two. You both cackle like harpies in unison. Stop it.’“

This is what a relationship is. I forgot after four years what it was like to be happy. Only posting happy moments only gets you so far in deluding yourself. But now I’m not.