DUFF in Torridaussity Two

For those of you not up on the current movies this stands for designated ugly fat friend…I have always been aware of my weight and that I was never ever really thin or even thick, but always overweight. I suffer from hashimoto’s disease which is an auto immune disorder that attacks your thyroid, I also have pcos which is another factor in my weight problems, but although I always knew I was overweight, I never felt that I was different from my friends even though I wasn’t as thin. Then in college I went with friends to see a comedian and although he didn’t use the term DUFF, he did say all groups of girls have that one ugly fat friend in their group to always make sure they look better than at least one person. I will never forget the tears in my eyes when I heard this and thought oh my God that’s me. My friends have always been so pretty and so much cooler than me and when I heard this as sick as it is to believe something so cruel I believed it about myself and have carried that thought in my head all these years. I keep it buried for the most part, but this new movie brought those memories back. I will say my friends are genuine and don’t keep me around because I am ugly or fat, but I always have felt so inferior to them. I have come a long way since then and work daily to fight away those negative thoughts, but lately with all the other stress and negativity I am just loosing my grip on all things in my life. I am losing it people I am crying everyday over something and I just want to run away. The only good thing is that I talked to my one supervisor and he said if anything if the mom complains about my phone over use then our case manager will remind me not to do that and that’ll be the end of it.