I want to drop out of school, new guy. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I spent the weekend worrying and stressing over homework to the point where my weekend was ruined. It’s been like this since the semester started and I just don’t know how much more I can take. I am so unhappy with school because it’s just so much of a chore and a hassle that I don’t want anymore. I got up to go this morning and once again, there’s no place to fucking park. I scoured the parking lot for 20 minutes waiting for someone to leave and then finally just decided to come back home. I find it really bullshit that people would rather stand around and smoke then have enough respect to move their cars so that other people who need a place can actually have one! I am also so fucking sleep deprived that I’m just angry and annoyed all the fucking time. I’m sick of worrying about school and being so stressed the fuck out all the time. I’m going to talk to them about withdrawing and see what options are. I just can’t keep dealing with this shit anymore.

So, there’s this new guy that I’ve been texting with. His name is Brian, he’s cuban/mexican and has 4 kids. The 2 older ones are his step kids that basically have been dropped in his lap and the 2 younger ones are his. Basically, his girlfriend and him will get into fights and then she leaves for days at a time. He told me that he already has feelings for me and I went over there to spend the night last night. I was joking with him via text about us making baby #5 and he wrote back saying something about give him 10 minutes to shower and we can get started. I thought that was super cute. We ended up doing some stuff but right before we would have had sex, his ex called and completely ruined the mood. He was pissed too because when he hung up, he said something about how he was trying to just focus on me and she made it hard. He told me that she’s not nice to him and I can tell that he’s in a really bad situation.

I know that he likes me and I know I have feelings for him but only time will tell where things go. He’s someone I can see myself with and every time I say that, it never works out so I’m just preparing myself to not hear from him anymore. He did say he wanted me to stay over again tonight but we’ll see. We have so much in common about how relationships should be and I just love talking to him. He is seriously the sweetest man I’ve probably ever met and just loves life. He told me that he had a rough past but as long as he has his kids, he’s happy. He cuddled me all night, kept kissing me, making sure I was covered up and honestly, made me feel so safe and loved. I can totally see myself falling for him but I can also see him never talking to me again because he got back with someone he’s not happy with. Fuck, this shit sucks.

All I know is I need to start taking more control of my life, get more sleep and start doing what I can to lose weight. I’m just sick of never having any free time or energy for housework, errands, or doing what I can to eat right. All of this is really getting to me and if I don’t start being able to get enough sleep, I’m going to lose my fucking mind. I just can’t keep going on like this. I just feel miserable because of school. I know that finishing my degree means a lot to me but I also have to work and pay bills too. I just don’t think college is for me anymore. I like the financial aid checks because then I’m able to afford books and paying off bills but I just don’t think it’s worth how tired and unhappy I’ve been either.

I just need to figure out what to do. I know I don’t want to drop out but I’m just not happy with the classes I’m taking and I’m sick of worrying about the homework and having the time or energy to actually do it. I also fucking hate my online computer class, I hate the instructor and I seriously can’t bring myself to do the homework anymore. I had the test and project to do last night and never even touched it. I just can’t stand being stressed and sleep deprived anymore and I’m sick of having no life outside of work and school.

Anyways, I need to go sleep for awhile.