Valentine's, work, sleeping in tomorrow! in Since OD is shutting down....

Okay so last night my emotions were kinda all over the place, mainly due from being super sleep deprived. I worked 10am until 8:15 last night and made $133 in tips. Yes, I’m super stoked about that. Well I get off work as Eric was texting about hanging out so I shower and then he tells me that he’s at the bar with his sister as she needed a DD for the night. OMFG! I am so angry that I just start crying my eyes out because I was pissed that I left work, was excited all week about hanging out with someone for the holiday and because it didn’t seem like he gave a fuck. I went over and hung out at my brother’s house as they had a couple people over and we had some beers. Needless to say, Eric came over and hung out with us and then he spent the night. We ended up having sex until 6 this morning and then again today. We didn’t use protection as he is very adamant about not being able to have kids from having cancer and honestly, I was so fucking horny from not having sex (good sex) for so long that I just went with it. He did ask though if I wanted him to pull out and that kinda bothered me but I’m not going to let myself get worked up about anything as I don’t even know if I could get pregnant for several reasons. It was absolutely incredible and my back hurts like a mofo. My inner thighs also hurt and I know I’m going to be stiff and sore tomorrow. It felt so good and it makes me feel less stressed. We kinda ended on bad terms tonight because I was tired and didn’t express my feelings properly and he felt like I was ‘pouting’ so were gonna just leave it alone until tomorrow. I know that I like him but I don’t see myself getting romantic feelings for him and think we will be friends with benefits or nothing at all.

Because I knew we were gonna hang out, I was more adamant about getting my homework done instead of putting it off until right before it’s due so Tuesday I stayed at school after class and got the majority of my shit done and then got what was due done today, but did most of it the other day. I have some for tomorrow but we don’t have school so i’m just gonna worry about getting sleep above anything else. I plan to start getting homework done sooner in the week so I don’t have to worry about it and because it frees up my weekend more. I have to close as a manager twice this week (Tuesday and Wednesday) and that alone makes me a tad stressed because it means another week of being sleep deprived so I really hope they get someone hired to take that spot so I can just worry about my own shit.

So today I got up at 10am so I could get my house cleaned and finished up my homework so I’m very much ready for bed tonight. My house looks incredible and homework is good, until Tuesday when I have more shit due. Well honestly, I always have shit due but I’m not going to do more than I have to tomorrow as it’s my day to rest and relax before I start another crazy week. I still need to vacuum and do laundry but I got so much shit done today that I don’t have to stress about the little shit that I still need to get done.

Eric slept until 2 this afternoon and then we banged it done again, took a shower, he painted my toenails and then we got pizza delivered. I paid for it with his card and then I got us cupcakes from this amazing place I always get them from. I honestly enjoyed his company but got mad because he was on his phone the majority of the time after he woke up until I had to drop him off. I mean, he was paying attention to me and everything but I just felt it was rude as he bitched all last weekend that we didn’t hang out and because we are still getting to know each other. I just find shit like that to be highly disrespectful and I was honestly glad when he left as I wanted to go see my niece and because I’m just not used to being around someone for a lengthy amount of time like we were.

Maybe I just need to accept the fact that nothing is perfect and people are just going to piss me off. I see several reasons why things aren’t going to work with Eric and one of the main reasons is because he doesn’t have a car. I was annoyed that I had to drop him off. I’m sorry but when you are 30 years old and don’t drive, there’s a problem. Unless you have a medical reason or a legit reason why you don’t have a car, you really shouldn’t expect other people to get you around. I just get so annoyed with this shit and just don’t see myself hanging out with him again unless he had transportation already figured out. I don’t want to be the bitch to come right out and say this to him but I will if I have to.

All I know is I just want to start getting an adequate amount of sleep every night or I’m not going to make it. I love that I’m super busy and never have time to be upset or depressed really but it’s not healthy to go on like I do either. I really miss sleep so tonight, I’m going to sleep like a rock and get as much sleep as I can all day because I need to catch up. I’m going to consider taking 3 or 4 days off this summer so I can maybe go do something fun or at least just get a break. I’ve been burning my candle at both ends for so long that I don’t know what it’s like to just be me ya know? I love my life and feeling like I have a purpose but I don’t like having enough time for myself either.

I also don’t know if I’ve become materialistic or I’m just so into my stuff because it’s all I have other than my niece but I really love my new car, my tv, just my stuff. I don’t want to believe I’m a materialistic person but I’ve never had the cool stuff that I do now either.

Anyways, my bed is calling my name. Time for a movie and my comfy bed.