Exhausted. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’ve realized just how tired I am and if I don’t cut back my hours at work and start having more free time, I’m going to end up saying fuck it and giving up on everything. I don’t have time to think, process my feelings or do anything outside of being a fucking robot. I have to close again tonight as a manager but this will be the last time as I am training someone else and I told my boss I can’t do it at least until Summer.

Yesterday was just the worst fucking day ever. It was everything that could go wrong went wrong! I gave myself too much money on Friday and had to give up all my tips I made last night which really sucked as I will only have about 4 hours tonight to make money for my car payment. I also got a letter saying that I make too much to get my Belviq so I’ve called my Dr to see if they can fax something over to my insurance company and see if they will approve me for it. I am so angry that I’ve waiting over a month just to get a letter saying I make too much for it. I was so fucking close to my breaking point yesterday and then that! I also ended up getting into it with someone I worked with and told my boss I am over it and I’m not going to be closing anymore. She text back begging me to close which I did but if I don’t cut back at work, I’m scared I’m not going to have the strength to get up and go anymore.

Today I didn’t have class so I slept until 1pm, got lunch, took a hot bath and now I’m just waiting to get to work. Not looking forward as I have to close so I will be there late but it’s the last time I’m doing it and I’m going to let her know that I want to be of by 9:30 every night next week as I need to cut back so I can start getting caught up on sleep. I seriously can’t go on like this. I feel better now that I’ve slept a lot today and slept all night last night but I could sleep the rest of the day away and not even care. I know I put a lot of pressure on myself to work alot as I need the money and because I don’t have much of a social outlet out of work but I need to cut back for awhile.

Eric has turned out to be a prick. He text a couple of times yesterday asking why he hasn’t heard from me and I finally respond last night when I got a free minute at work and then he writes back, “you got issues” and it’s like okay well if that’s true, why the fuck are you bothering me?!?! I am so fucking sick of people having negative things to say about me but keep bugging me! If I’m this crazy bitch then I wish EVERYONE would leave me the fuck alone! I didn’t respond as I was already having a day from hell and didn’t want to be as mean as I could have been but tried to find an app on my phone to block his number but nothing will work because I’m running 4G and every app I found I would have had to download more than one app and waste space on my phone so I’m hoping he just won’t bother me anymore.

I just don’t have the strength it takes to fight with people. Until I can get caught up on sleep and start feeling human again, I am not going to waste what energy I do have in arguing with anyone. I have never been more exhausted in my life until I started college and working. Oh and I got another zero on my project for my online class so I’m going to meet with my instructor again to figure what the fuck the problem is. I’m pissed that I wasted 2 hours again to do the work and didn’t get credit for it! Sometimes I really fucking hate school! Fucking shit gets so old!

I have to leave here soon. I’m just ready to get my night over with so I can come home and pass out. I’m not going to my class in the morning as tomorrow my treadmill is coming and I’m really hoping it will be here before I leave for work and because the instructor said we each have to take turns making proofreading marks on the projector and I’m just not into that. I fucking hate being interactive, having the attention on me and honestly, I’m just too fucking crabby at 9am for that shit. I also just want another day of rest. I do have some homework that I’ll have to get done but I wanna just hole up here in my house until it’s time for work. I do need to get groceries eventually as I was supposed to get food last week and it never happened because I didn’t have time. I’m tired of never having time or energy for anything outside of work or school. Fuck.

I’m gonna lay down for about 10 minutes and then leave for work. Lucky me.