Fuck Valentine's Day. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alrighty so I haven’t written for a few because I’ve been so busy with work. I have 39 hours as of right now and I work all day tomorrow. I’m tired as a motherfucker and am gonna go pass out after I write a little bit. I have some things i need to get off my chest.

Ok so that guy Eric that I’ve been talking to. Yep, there’s some red flags, as usual. He came over Tuesday night after I got off and we hung out. Not gonna lie, he got to second base but then said he wanted for us to wait until tomorrow for V-day. I thought that was super sweet! Well then i didn’t hear from him all day Wednesday and then he finally text me last night saying that his ex had kept his phone from him. Um yeah. I had to close last night and didn’t have the time or energy to feed in and ask him about it but told him that if he’s hanging out with her then he should probably worry about making things work with her. He said no as she’s slept with his best friend and that he was her roommate but was moving out. He worded it funny so I don’t know if he meant that he was recently moving out or what but I’m now feeling absolutely against us doing anything or even hanging out. I also find it odd that he had a vehicle and has come over to visit me but then will be here like an hour and then say he has to go pick up his friend from work because it’s his truck. Uh yeah…I’m wondering if it’s his girlfriends truck. I just don’t believe anything this guy says and it’s not just because I don’t trust men but he had originally lied about his name and that turned into a big issue as he kept lying about it!

I feel like such a dumbass. I want so badly to trust someone but every time I even attempt to open my heart, I’m reminded why I don’t. It’s just ridiculous that things have to be like this. I honestly don’t believe that there’s 1 good guy left for me. It’s true about how all the good ones are taken, married or gay. I don’t know but maybe my life is just supposed to be the way it is now. I just can’t imagine being by myself forever though. I honestly believe I’m a good person so I would really like to find a nice guy to share my life with but every guy I find is just looking to get his dick wet. It’s really depressing and honestly, makes me furious.

This Eric guy said something earlier this week about us going out to dinner for V-day and I asked him about it tonight and he said, “maybe” which means probably not going to happen. He said that he’s not going to have a vehicle tomorrow night which means I’d have to go pick him up from wherever he is and then probably just hang out at my house so he can try to get in my pants. No thanks. Depending on when I get off work, I’m probably gonna go get some chocolate covered strawberries and some Bud Light and just come home and enjoy my evening. I don’t mind spending another holiday by myself. I wanted to go to dinner with Eric and then come back to my house and watch movies but he’s made it pretty clear what he wants and it’s not exactly what I want. I just don’t get why men are so against taking me to dinner and showing me that they are more interested in making a mental connection than a sexual one. I also don’t get why if I don’t let them try anything right away then they give up so quick. Why the fuck does it always have to be about sex?!

It just pisses me off that he's the one that bring up going out to dinner so I get all excited because I really want to have an actual date where I can shower, wear something pretty, put make up on and just have someone to share Valentines Day with and now I'm back to square one of going to work and then come home and hang out by myself. I'm so tired of all these guys starting out just totally incredible and they turn out to be pieces of shit that just wanna tell me whatever it will take to get what they want. I do like figuring out very quickly that they are not good people though. I like realizing it before I have sex with them or things get too serious.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK............anyways. Bedtime.