Tired, school, work, life. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’m tired as fuck. I worked Friday until 8pm, was off Saturday but had to get my deck put in and have my niece who doesn’t like to fall asleep and then I ended up working 11-8pm on Sunday. I was off yesterday but had a class, a shit ton of homework, went to Walmart and hung out with my manager from the other store. I did however get a nap but I didn’t get as much sleep or relaxation time as I wanted and I’m super grumpy this morning as I’m so sleep deprived and I have to meet with one of my instructors about how to submit my projects at noon. Basically, I have to go to class and then find something to do for 2 hours and then meet with him and then maybe have a little bit of time to chill before work. I will need to get my project done and I already know it’s going to take awhile.

College is really starting to get to me. Sometimes I think about dropping out and just paying my student loans for what they are instead of trying to stay in school. I got an email saying that I have less than a C in 2 of my classes and it makes me really discouraged. This shit is fucking hard and I never have enough time or energy to give my schoolwork the time it needs. This is going to end up being the hardest decision of my life. I know I have to keep my grades up or they are going to put me on probation where if I don’t do good this semester, I won’t get my financial aid for next time. I’m just so frustrated and sometimes think maybe it would be better to drop out now instead of keep trying just to flunk out later.

I’m going to meet with my instructor today and then someone else to get her opinion on everything. I really do like school and want to finish because otherwise I’m going to just feel stuck at my job without a degree but sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just drop out now and think about college later in life. Fuck, I’m just so stressed about this and didn’t sleep well last night worrying about it.

The brother of the guy I banged came over last night for his lunch break. He was supposed to come back when he got off and decided to blow me off for whatever reason so I blocked him from Facebook and won’t respond to his text messages. I think at this point I’m just too closed off to care anymore. It made me really mad that he fucking ignored my text as my friend was here and I wanted her to meet him so it was embarrassing that he didn’t answer and then when he finally did, he said he didn’t have his vehicle and his sister was in town. Um okay you couldn’t have told me that when you got off?! Again this is why I never get too attached or care too much anymore.

I just can’t see myself loving anyone anymore. I’m also annoyed that I want to have sex, good sex and these guys all fuck it up long before that could even happen. I just don’t know where to find any decent guys but I think what I’m looking for and what would make me happy just doesn’t exist. I honestly believe I’m either going to be single for the rest of my life or I’m going to just keep finding bad relationships. I know that I’m better off single but I get lonely sometimes. Again, it would just be nice to have someone to come over, give me loving and affection that understands that I’m busy and we can’t hang out all the time.

Sometimes life can really suck. I love being really busy and everything but the part that gets to me is never having enough time for just one thing and constantly being tired. I’m also really sick of being in a hurry all the time and not getting to eat healthy. I ate healthy yesterday on my day off but I need to figure out what I’m going to do about losing weight. I got my taxes and I’m considering buying a treadmill as I have a gym membership but I haven’t been to the gym in 2 months and I need to be able to work out and then shower. I can shower there but then I have to take all my stuff with me and it’s just too much of a hassle.

Ugh, I don’t know. I’m just tired and my day isn’t starting off good because I’m so stressed out and I have to work later.