Entry 15-02.05.36 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

A Thursday… Thursday the 5th; which means two more Thursdays. Two more Thursdays pass by and TEST and then Thursday the 26th will be the first day of No Test, No Study.

I woke up this morning with a song stuck in my head because of a dream I had just awoken from. In the dream, it was fairly vanilla. Playing video games with a girl. But the girl was a bizarre hybrid of two of my closest female friends that I have not seen in a LONG time. Of course, one of them was Buffy… who is pregnant right now (squee) and the other was Spartan, a woman that proves the multi-ethnicity stereotype by coming from a 100% Italian woman and 100% Mexican man and she is a knockout! Of course, she is an uber tomboy and refuses to accept any feminine aspects of herself… so in other words, she is the Teen Movie Stereotype from “She’s All That.” They were somehow one person.... which was confusing… because they are both gorgeous women that I love spending time with but as one singular individual… it was weird. And this song was playing in the background the whole time:

Work was nice and short but the City Attorney today is a friend of mine that is super supportive of my attempts to become a lawyer. So.... this close to the bar exam, she was encouraging me and doing all the great things a supportive person does… but… I don’t know. Just because of where I am right now… it just makes me worry that, should I fail the exam this time, I’ll just be letting myself and everyone else down again. Yeah, it is motivation to NOT fail but… I just… really really want to do my best this time and finish it… just get this damned hurdle out of the way!

On the advice of people I care for, I decided not to just instantly dive back into studying today. I haven’t played video games, really, in a while so… I decided to fire up some Destiny. :o It has been so long since I last played that I forgot the button layout!! That never happens to me in video games! I mean, I grew up as a massive fan of Fighting Games which teaches you to instantly memorize button layouts so you can master combination moves, special moves, and finishers. I haven’t forgotten a button layout since before I owned a game console! So… yeah, I had to re-learn the configuration. It was weird.

What with it being so close to exam time (18 Days) I’m switching gears temporarily again. For the next three days, I’m going to burn through videos and graded assignments. That way, I’ll get all of the Teaching Information and get Feedback on performance issues… allowing me a full two weeks to focus on the information and feedback to perfect my usage and understanding while creating and working on study materials. It is just… emotionally, I’m in such a weird place. Last time, I didn’t spend enough time studying for the bar and I knew it so everyone that said “Oh, you’ll pass” I just thought Yeah, you don’t know how little I’ve done… but this time, I’ve studied a lot, I’ve put in a lot of work… and when people say “Oh, you’ll pass” I think But I have no idea if what I studied will be of any use since the whole test is a giant guessing game as to what the questions will ask, what the focus will be, and if I’ll be able to answer to a room full of strangers’ satisfaction.

Any Random Thoughts from the Day:

(1) Just in case you haven’t seen it. I… I spent ages watching this show growing up. I’ve mentioned it before but… yeah, SBTB in all its forms has always been with me. So… here:

(2) If I could do everything I wanted to do all at once… like, if I lived forever or was Jamie Madrox… I would do very specific things. Like… I spend a lot of time thinking about this (sometimes, anyway) and… instead of “everything” or being unfocused… it all comes into focus quite clearly.
(1) I would still pursue acting. Whether simply by staying in Acting Classes or auditioning for every local show available or trying for National Professional gigs for a change.
(2) I would, of course, keep up with this legal dream. Study my ass off for the bar exam, ace it, work my ass off to become a County Attorney.
(3) I would spend more time working on getting my Brain Ideas into Written Ideas. I would take a lot of classes on writing, both fiction and non-fiction; and spend hours and hours writing scripts, stories, and the like. I’d even send in some of my Comic Book story arcs for publication consideration and a few of my Movie Scripts for filming.
(4) I would get a degree in psychology. Go the full Masters/PhD route. Set up a practice to help people and do counseling.
(5) This could offshoot from Dupe 4, or could be its own but… I’d also get a Masters degree in Human Sexuality. The topic has always fascinated me more than words and I’d love to know more, have the degree requirements to develop and run experiments, really just… dedicate my life to this anomaly. Because… it is something so intrinsically important to the human condition; but it is also very unique to each person. But while it is unique to each person, the standards and mores are shared between populations; but not evenly and not equally. There is just… a wealth of study in this area that can be done in an attempt to reach a broader understanding of this aspect of the brain, culture, and society at large.

So.... yeah. I suppose, if I could… I’d make 5 Versions of Myself. One for Acting, One for Law, One for Writing, One for Counseling, and One for Research. lol :p