I'm just done. Shut down. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve decided after the recent events trying to just have companionship with new people, I give up. I will just deal with the loneliness factor as it’s cheaper, less stressful and don’t have to worry about being used. That guy messaged me earlier asking me what time I get off work tonight as he needs to download some music. What the fuck?! So I told him I don’t appreciate being used and he said he would leave me alone. I think it’s bullshit that not only he doesn’t care how he’s made me feel but instead of trying to stick up for himself, he just said he would leave me alone which makes me feel like it was his intention to use me all along.

I just wish I could understand why I keep finding these awful people. I’m not out to use or take advantage of anyone so why the fuck do I find people that want to do it to me?! I’m a nice person but I deserve better than this.

Whatever. I just feel so tired and just sick of being in this spot. I’m sick of being alone but it’s either be alone or be used. I am very happy where I’m at with my life except for being by myself. Maybe I deserve it though. I think about it and I realize I’m not as perfect as I want to be and I make mistakes. It just sucks to think I could end up being alone for the rest of my life. I just can’t let people use me and think it’s okay either.

I’m feeling pretty down today. I wish I could just stay home and cry my eyes out. I’m so fucking sick of things being this way. I know that I probably shouldn’t let it get to me but it is. I’m tired of dealing with shitty people. I’m also tired of how quickly people walk away from me when I call them out on how they treat me. It makes me not think too much of myself even though I know that when I’m not treated good, that speaks about them and has nothing to do with me but I’m the one left to figure out why they treated me like shit.

Fuck. I just don’t even know what to say anymore. Anyways, time to go get shit done before work.