The Falling in Love entry... in These titles mean nothing.

Here is a link to the story.

There is a new theory on the internet about falling in love. It involves finding a semi-possible person - it goes without saying - and asking and answering a series of quest’tions. It involves self-revelation and probably more important it involves listening.

After the questions and the answers, the couple is to look into each others eyes for a certain length of time - four or five minutes I think. And then a certain percent of them are in love. With each other.

Yeah, what do I know? It’s science. Look up the links.

And since I have no one to fall in love with, I guess I’ll just answer the questions here.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Either someone who cooked very well and who would cook for me, or someone who doesn’t cook at all who would be pleased with what I prepared. A name? Claire Messud. And of course feel free to substitute yourself as the answer to any of these questions.

1. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I was famous for a while, in a small way. I wrote a local newspaper column and I had a fairly well-read Open Diary. I enjoyed my small-scale fame, but I’m ok with it being over.

1. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

I make very few phone calls, and what I say when I make them is always a surprise to me.

1. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Several choices. A good day at work. A day with a walk in it. A meal at Fayze’s. Nice weather - or maybe interesting weather, not the same thing. A pretty view. Something good to read. Some good conversation.

1. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I sang Happy Birthday to Jim yesterday when I walked up to the house. He was in the house and didn’t hear. Prior to that I sang my cat ditty. It goes like this: “Pussy cat, pussy cat, I love you” and it repeats. Chorus is: “No, you don’t.”

1. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

There would be no point in having a healthy body without a functioning mind. I also think you MIGHT have more control over your body’s health than your mind’s.

1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

I think about pulling out in front of semi’s. But I won’t do it. I would like to die quickly, easily but I just don’t know. I guess I don’t want to know.

1. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

This is fantasy, understand? We read the same books. We walk together. We are humanists.

1. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

I’m grateful for life itself and for the way things have turned out in a good way. I’m grateful for my kids and for the farm.

1. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Conventionally, my mother wouldn’t have died when I was 14. Then she would have ‘made’ me leave home and go to college and I would have been a different person and had a different life. Would I want that to have happened? Maybe. Maybe not.

1. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

10:42
I am of Irish descent with one English great grandfather.
I was born in June of 1946 in my dad’s aunt’s maternity hospital.
My parents were young people of the Depression and married in their 30’s and worked hard. They were careful people.
My dad and his brother bought the farm I live on in 1950.
I went to a one room school with my brother who is four years younger than I am.
I went to the Catholic high school in my town. In those days every town had a dual school system - 12 yrs public, 12 yrs Catholic.
I did not fit in.
I tend to see myself as men see me. I look at a lot of life as men do. I read a bunch of books growing up written by men with men’s viewpoints. I like men. I like the way they work, what they accomplish, etc.
I got myself a high school boyfriend. He graduated and joined the service. I got the man I would marry, he was just home from the service. This is all pre-Vietnam, or right at the edge of Vietnam. My younger brother was drafted after I was married and had my two kids. I would make chocolate chip cookies in bar pans and cut them in circles to fit in coffee cans and put them in individual plastic bags and put the coffee can in a waxed gallon milk box - that was how milks came then - and wrap them in a flattened out brown grocery bad and take them to the Cedar Rapids post office and mail them off. It cost a dollar in postage.
I married my second boyfriend and we moved to a trailer on a farm near a little town near Cedar Rapids. The trailer was new and ‘cute’. I worked at Collins for a year. I had two babies. I stayed home and took care of the. I worked at Sears Credit for two years. We moved back home so my husband could take care of his mother and sister after his father died.
I got a job in the local factory and ran a punch press for 9 yrs and then went in the office and did a variety of techy jobs. I discovered dBaseiii and Lotus.
My kids grew up.
My husband died.
My time is up.
10:53. Who knew I typed that slowly. Or that I should have told you so much about the cookies to Vietnam.

1. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I would like to have healthy self-confidence. Not overblown importance. Sometimes I have it. Lots of times I don’t.

Set II

1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I would want to know that I wasn’t going to die slowly and expensively.

1. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I would like to go places and absorb culture with someone = male or female, romantic or not, young or old. I haven’t done it because I find it hard to reach out and I am afraid. Afraid I might not like it and it would be hard to get out of. Also afraid of what people would think. I’m in a small town, everyone knows everyone and everything.

1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I don’t feel that I’ve accomplished much in life. I had beautiful flower bed for a while. People would drive by to look at them.

1. What do you value most in a friendship?

I value consistency - I want to know the person will be there for me. I don’t want to have to guess at their mood. I value understanding.

1. What is your most treasured memory?

I have two silly ones. On my 50th birthday two of my fellow workers, people I didn’t feel particularly close to, came to console me. On my 60th birthday there was a parade for me in Lansing (Dairy Days, nothing to do with me, but I marched with the Democrats and it was a lovely night.) I came home and a man I knew on the internet who I no longer have any contact with was there to wish my happy birthday.

1. What is your most terrible memory?

My mother’s death and funeral.
My husband’s illness and death.
The time I got a really bad abscess on a tooth and no one seemed to care.

1. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I probably wouldn’t change much. I might eat more expensive ice cream. Realistically, I would try to organize my possessions so they would be more easily handled by my kids.

1. What does friendship mean to you?

I’m not big on friendship. I’m a loner. I don’t put out much effort. I don’t want big changes in my life. I like the little kind things in life. I like having someone to talk to. I like feeling accepted. I would like to think I make a difference in other people’s lives. I don’t really know.

1. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Ah, that’s a good one. I have kind of a fantasy life. I know the kind of man I want and I can pretend I have him - sort of. I work hard at not wanting more than I have. I work hard at appreciating what I do have. I can look away though, and see the big world.... and I’m still not dissatisfied.

1. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Ok, this is this partner that doesn’t exist. So humor me.
1. A nice healthy body.
2. A friendly smile and attitude.
3. Is satisfied with his own life.
4. Is interested in me.
5. Has an intellectual life.

1. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

My family - both my birth family and the one I created - is not big on affection. We are close in that we want good things for each other and we can count on each other to be there. I think my childhood and my children’s childhoods were pretty much average when it comes to happiness. We had what we needed. We had security. We had good times and not so good times.

1. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

My mother died when I was 14. When I’m in the right mood, I consider that the defining factor in my life. She had a plan for my life that I didn’t follow when I no longer had her to push me. I was not particularly close to my mother. I identified with my dad more. I actually regret that my kids didn’t get to know her (and she them) than I regret anything in my relationship with her. It’s all a long time ago. I watch people deal with aging parents and I guess I’m glad mine are dead. Sorry ‘bout that. Of course now I’ve become the aging parent that kids have to deal with. Damn.

Set III

1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

Another fantasy one.
1. We are giving people because we are doing this.
2. We have lived a lot of life and we generally done a good job with it.
3. We live in the moment. Now is what is important. We are important. What we can do for each other is important.

1. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

…days and nights, conversation and touch, pain and happiness. Oh, and the weather.

1. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

If we were to be close, you would need to give me time for what I need to do. You would need to cut me some slack. And I hope I would be able to do the same for you.

1. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Again fantasy.
I like the way you care for your family. I understand its importance.
I like the way you care for things you own and use, but aren’t overcome by them… or the need to get more and better ones.
I like that you read the books I read.

1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

I peed on the floor somewhere I should not have done it. Not that peeing on the floor is acceptable anywhere. But this was pretty bad.

1. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

God, I never cry. Never. Last time was a year after I had my breast removed and I went to give blood thinking a year was long enough to wait. I told I was ‘deferred’ for five years. I came home and called the oncologist who had told me I had one chance in a hundred of recurrence. Of course he was too busy to talk to me but his nurse was understanding. Or at least tried. I sobbed at her, poor woman. A day or so later he called, he was a smooth, nice man and dealing with a woman who didn’t have cancer was probably a relief from what he had to deal ordinarily. By then I was calmed down and was sort of cold to the poor guy when he told me that if he needed blood he would be happy to have mine.

1. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

I like that you were willing to do this. It says a lot about the kind of person you are and about your openness.

1. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

I get upset about race related jokes. I get upset when people tell a joke to ‘wind’ me up. Come on, have a little sensitivity please. Having said that I will joke about a lot of stuff that might be seen as out of bounds. Guess it’s different when I do it. Of course the cigarette factor is there - if I like you, I don’t mind if you smoke. Otherwise it drives me up the wall.

1. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to
   communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Conventionally, I would regret not having said goodbye to my kids and grandchildren. Secrets? Important stuff? Maybe I should have burned all those old notebooks. Maybe not.

1. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Ironic question to follow the answer to the last one. Instinctively I would take the little blue Acer, though there’s not much on there, that’s not on line. I have a box of my old notebooks, that have my newspaper columns glued in them, along with miscellaneous stuff and some diary - handwritten stuff - that I might like to have, might like to give to my kids and grandchildren. Maybe I’d just take the seascape that I bought from a painter on OD.

1. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

Either of my sons. The one at home is so much a part of my daily life and he takes care of everything including my sisterinlaw who is aging with me. My other son who has a family who depend on him. He cannot die.

1. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Do you think I should keep trying to work? Sometimes I love it. I love the being busy. I love the contact with people. I love the having a place to go etc. But sometimes it is really hard and I take my errors personally. I’m getting old. Should I keep trying to deny it?
Partner reflects back. Sure. Go for it. A few extra bucks never hurt anyone.

Now comes the time when we look into each others eyes. That’s the hard part.

Here, have a picture. To cleanse your palate.

Note: Sorry the numbering is all screwed up. There are 36 questions. I thought maybe I could fix it but it looks ok in the editing window. Maybe you could just consider it another bit of my wacky charm.

Thanks everyone. Thanks anyone.

Last updated January 31, 2015