missing normal in 2015

Jan. 28, 2015
2:13pm

I wish I could just write one of these and then post it, no matter where I left off, so that I don’t start this huge backlog like last year. There are still entries from 2014 sitting around in a folder just waiting for me to get up the nerve to post them. Ideally it would be nice to have it all in one place instead of scattered everywhere. But I can’t seem to put enough of an ending on these things to actually hit save.

We’ll see how it goes today.

So, I got a text from CK yesterday. I’ve been trying not to mention and/or think about that whole thing for a little while. It was just so awkward all of a sudden. Like it was cool, we were getting along, then he moved and running into each other was super weird. Followed by that quick text exchange that felt just as strange and that was that. I mean, it’s only been about a month, but it feels like so much longer since we’ve had a normal conversation.

I miss that normal part of it.

To the point where just the other day I was thinking about it all [despite my best efforts, it still almost constantly crosses my mind] and the fact that I’ve suddenly done this annoying comparison thing. We were even very good at being friends! [<–hah! even my brain wants to pretend we were, but I meant “weren’t” ] Communication between us sucks and we’ve spent a minimal amount of time together. I can’t even figure out what it is about him. Even at the beginning I may have sorta mumbled to myself something about settling for that. And yet, I still think about it. Something about the whole situation. All the stuff floating around in my head.

I have no idea what it is, or was, but it’s always felt different and maybe that’s why it’s stuck out to me. Or stuck to me.

Either way, the other day I was randomly thinking about someone [my mother’s started her “get my daughter married NOW” kick and the thoughts are hanging around] and I compared that person to CK. It was just sorta subconsciously and then I yelled at my mind for doing such a thing. I mean, how silly!

None of it makes sense.

Anyway, the text. I found it last night when I got home from work around 8pm [tis the season!] He’d sent it a few hours earlier, but I’d never noticed. It was something like, “hey, how’s it kickin?” It really came as a surprise. I answered a bit later saying I’d gotten out of work late and asked how he’d been. Right before bed I got another text saying life had been hectic and I waited to respond until this morning.

Last I’d checked, there hasn’t been a reply.

Oh I lied. There’s a reply. He didn’t tell me why life has been hectic though. Only asked if I’d tried any new beers. hah. Should I tell him I drank the Irish Death all by myself?

Man I really want to try some new beers. I’ve been searching Bevmo and other random places to see what they have to offer, but it’s not that great of a selection. Plus it’s not that fun if I have to drink alone.

Part of me wants to invite him over to catch up and have a couple beers. I don’t know though. It seems weird and I hate making “moves” even if they’re not in that way. I guess it’s curiosity mostly. And it drives me crazy that he has so much potential and he’s not using it!

That’s probably my savior complex. The need to help everyone and everything that crosses my path. Why must I be such a bleeding heart?

rose.
7:10pm