Entry 15-01.22.20 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Trouble sleeping, no surprise. So I am starting my Real Property Review videos super early. We’ll see how far into them I get before they put me to sleep. Good news is that if I can get through the 6.5 hours of Real Property Review videos… then I will have the rest of the day “free.” In this case “free” means I can do errands, chores, spend time with my wife as she has the day off… or work on catch up.... the 35+ hours of Review videos I still need to work on, the flashcards I need to create, the outlines I need to memorize and/or the practice questions I need to work on.

And through it all… a whispering voice suggesting that my inability to sleep is merely the commingling of two concepts expressing the same sleepless symptom

Oh hell, I suppose this doesn’t go here… should be placed somewhere more appropriate… a place to discuss sexual matters and the like but sod it, there isn’t enough for a full entry anyway. A few nights ago, I was finally able to engage in some kind of sexual activities with the wife. First time since October. Now… I have a feeling I could have turned the encounter into sex… but I was possessed of the urge to make it all about her. I sometimes still think that… maybe if she was reminded of how much I love her and want her to be happy and fulfilled; then eliciting any sexual encounters won’t constantly be like pulling teeth… or at least won’t be so rare as to appropriately be called scarce. A great deal of kissing was involved and I digitally stimulated her until she reached appropriate climax. Yay for making my wife sexually fulfilled. And that is genuine. There is a reason I rather prefer porn of the BeautifulAgony.com variety… the type where nudity isn’t even required… merely an attractive female face, enjoyable moans and groans, and the look of ecstasy in a woman’s eyes.... that’s very precious to me. But this time… doing for my wife simply… hasn’t been enough. And I suggest, hint at, request sexual encounter. I even told her that for her day off, I’d like to take her to a restaurant where a dress and heels would be appropriate so that when we got home I could make wild passionate monkey love to her in the heels. All overtures have been met with the customary indifference and avoidance. It should be noted that our recent sexual encounters (sex with climax in September, sex without climax in October, digital stimulation & female climax in January) is still more sexual activity than our marriage has seen since 2011. I mean… in September when I finally convinced my wife that 3 years without sexual contact was unacceptable; I was thrilled that she decided to “unfreeze.” And, all things considered… it reminds me of when we just got married… as we had 3 sexual encounters before the 3 Year Freeze. But… I don’t know. Maybe I’m worried that we’ll go back to that. I had my climax in September, she had her climax in January; so we’re good for another three years. Maybe that’s swirling around in my head, too.