Oh, Ferguson in Short Essays

When I look back on my time growing up in Cockroach, I must have been some fierce and courageous young black girl.

Although it was a small rural town, looking back at what I did is wild in my head.

I was able to walk around physically unscathed. No one attempted to assault me. Or maybe, just maybe, I made choices instinctively that guided me out of harm’s way. Reflecting on it now, I remember flying down through the railroad tracks with my bicycle…going through the outskirts of town where the old abandoned factory used to be. Flying down the Shorty’s Quick Stop…until I reached the projects and knocked on my mom’s door so my stepdad let me in from his sleepy somber.

Even when I was going to Knights College and had to stay late, I would roll my wagon down the streets after hours…walking as fast as I could. Looking backwards and getting ready to fight for my life if someone jumped me.

Oh, Sophia, it was a small town. But oh, folks, at night, it wasn’t so safe. When there was hardly in daylight, it was very scary. My mom was raped in the evening. Before my mom was raped, she was close to attempted rape when she came home one night after her bicycle tire was flat from the club. One of the guys she knew in town hid in the bushes and grabbed her neck and lifted the rest of her body up while using her neck…that he almost killed her. Yet, he had plans, I supposed, for her to pass out from the choking and rape her. And that time, she escaped.
So, Cockroach was not a safe place like all places in America aren’t safe. You will always have people who have bad intentions and do bad actions. However, I don’t know if it was luck or the town I lived in wasn’t as bad compared to others places…or maybe, it was the time I grew up in.

When I think about Trayvon Martin, and now, Michael Brown, I am quite sad. I am very disheartened. I think about how these young men will not get the chance to make decisions in their lives to see what road that they want to take. They will not get the chances to decide if they want to attend college or technical school. They will not get the chances to see if they want to meet someone and fall in love and start a family. They don’t have free will anymore because two people decided to take their free will because they saw them as a threat—which they were not.

When I think about Trayvon, all I can think about is those times when I walked home, down Cockroachrans’ neighborhoods…looking out for predators who maybe try to prey on me. A few times, I thought about someone accidentally coming out and pulling a gun on me thinking that I was someone who didn’t belong. Yet, it hardly cross my mind. Usually, I was focused on my destination trying to get home. I would get their safely.

It boggles my mind that Trayvon and I were doing the same actions…walking home with candy or goodies from the grocery store. It boggles my mind that I made it home each time. And the one time he tries to make it back to his dad’s place…he didn’t make it home. What is so utterly sad is that…I lived in a racist/racial prejudiced town. I lived in a town where you knew there was inactive KKK that could rise again. I lived in a town where you knew there sexual predators that already assaulted people in the town. Predators were I would run into who helped held down my mom while she was being raped by his friend. And pretending like he didn’t know me. Like he didn’t do anything to help my mom get sexually assaulted.

I cannot phantom’s the citizens of Ferguson’s anger…or other people’s anger. For some, it is difficult not to get angry. But rioting and looting is not going to bring back Michael Brown. It is not going to bring back Trayvon Martin.

What we all need to do…those of us who care about this situation is continue to fight with our words. Continue to use our decisions and act in a way that changes the system. We need to keep speaking out, keep reporting, and keep educating the people. Yes, black people and other minorities have gained rights, privileges and opportunities, BUT there is still racial prejudice and racism, not just on our American lands, but our global lands. We have to educate the people…and make ourselves visible and talk ab out what race means in our country and how to combat that racism.

No, it won’t bring back Trayvon, Michael, or other slain children/young teenagers that we lost. But we certainly must protect the ones we have now. Because, folks, we are in a crisis. I am crying now because…I am just very sad. Looking back at that Sophia…that Sophia flying on her bike to get home…well, all I can think of is…wow, that was empowering…and a part of that happened because of who I was and where I was.

As adult Sophia…well, I remember last year or the year before, running in my “nice neighborhood,”…and a white man looking at me like I didn’t belong…but staring at me attentively. All I can think of was…

Wow, I don’t even feel safe in my own neighborhood. And the first thought that came into my mind is…is it because I am black?

Regards,
S