Weekend, impatient, feeling fat. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my weekend was pretty great except I didn’t feel like I got enough time to myself and as much sleep as I wanted. I hung out with my friend Friday and Saturday night which was awesome and then had my niece Saturday night which I really shouldn’t have had her because I was just exhausted. I told her numerous times to go to bed and couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to make sure she passed out before me (like I normally do) and she just wasn’t listening at all. She was still awake at 12:30 and 1am and I was about to lose my fucking mind. She had taken a late nap so that’s why she was not wanting to go to bed but I’ve decided that I really don’t want her for overnights anymore. More often than not, she doesn’t get to sleep until super late (which means i don’t get to bed until after she does) and I just can’t stay awake!

I am just so tired of the situation with my brother and how I only get to have her under his stipulations whether it works for me or not and he was the one that pushed me to take her Saturday night because he wanted to get drunk and have people over. He doesn’t give 2 fucks if I ever get to have a party at my house OR if I have any kind of social outlet and it’s impossible to get someone as selfish as he is to understand just how selfish he really is. I’m just so tired of thing being the way they are and I’m going to make it really clear that it’s just not going to work for me to take her overnight anymore. I just don’t think it’s necessary and she never goes to bed! I’m always exhausted by Friday or Saturday night to the point where it’s killing me to stay away waiting for her to crash! I was so pissed at the fact that she wasn’t sleeping Saturday night that I was almost in tears! I didn’t cry simply because I didn’t have the energy but it was enough to make me understand that I can see her without having to take her all night. I just can’t do it every weekend anymore. Having her has become more of a chore than a pleasant experience.

It’s also bullshit that no matter how much I tell my brother I’m tired from working, homework, and going to class he still doesn’t fucking get it! There’s just no getting him to understand that I’m almost 30, 120 pounds overweight, type 1 diabetic, I have a bad back, and manage to hold down a job, get homework done, and try to get enough sleep every night! I know that it’s more he doesn’t want to understand but it’s really fucking maddening! There’s times where I honestly want to punch him in the face. I’m so unbelievably sick of his selfish bullshit and how he acts like I should never be tired! Okay well maybe I’ll tell him that I can go ahead and quit school and my job and then he can just pay all of my bills and then I can be available 24/7! I’m just so sick of repeating myself and doing what I can to word things for him to understand how hard it is for me to take her when I’ve been massively busy all week long!

I’ve managed to get my homework done for business communications that’s due Thursday because my boss text me to let me know they didn’t need me this morning so I sat down and got that done so I don’t have to figure out how to have time to do it later. The Fedex guy should be bringing my new phone any minute but I have to work earlier today than normal so if he doesn’t bring it in the next 2 hours, it’s gonna have to wait until later. It really pisses me off that anytime I get things from UPS or Fedex, they never come until evening and that’s when I’m at work. It would be great if they could bring the shit in the daytime where there’s a better chance of me being home but that would make things just too fucking convenient.

I’m a tad grumpy today because I had forgot my phone at home this morning so I didn’t know what time it was but did get to my class on time and then I came home to put music on my flash drive, put on some make up and then was about to walk out the door when I got the text saying that I didn’t need to come which was fine but I wish she wouldn’t have waited until I was about to walk out the door so I wouldn’t have put my makeup on just to sit around the house until later! I am grateful that I didn’t have to work this morning because I was able to get my homework done though.

I have a couple of issues with the online stuff with one of my classes but I have until Friday to get the first part of the homework done so I’m gonna wait until then to look at it again. I emailed the instructor and he told me what I should do and if I’m still having problems, we can meet up. I was rushing a lot yesterday to get stuff done and that’s probably would contributed to things not making sense but I’ll check it out again on Friday. Ugh, I just get frustrated when I don’t have enough time to get stuff done the right way so I’m always trying to rush.

There was a guy that came over and hung out with my friend and I on Saturday and then hung out again with me on Sunday. I haven’t heard from him so I’m not sure what’s going on but he was super funny and really easy to talk to. I would like to be friends with him but that’s going to be up to him. I don’t bug people because I feel like if they don’t make an effort than I am wasting my time when I do so I plan to just let it be until I hear from him. He made it very clear that he’s attracted to me and I told him what happened with Steve and he said that he couldn’t understand why he just quit talking to me like he did.

The whole thing with Steve is still bothering me. I really liked him and was so excited about getting to know him and then he just got weird. Even when I text him on Saturday, I got no explanation for him getting distant with me and that drives me crazy. At least if he would have given me a reason, I would have some closure but he didn’t even give me that. Like WTF! I know that it’s in my best interest that we aren’t in contact anymore because he was really selfish and inconsiderate. It’s just sad that I’ve always been treated like shit so it’s all I know. It’s good that we aren’t in contact because he honestly didn’t really treat me very great but it makes me sad that I keep finding those kind of men. It’s like that’s the type I’m attracted to because it’s all I’ve never known.

The part that bothers me the most is I was really enjoying having someone to spend my time with that I could be affectionate to and just loved having a person that I liked being around. I liked being able to kiss someone and reach for them and not get pushed away like with my ex. It was nice to have someone I could feel safe and comfortable around but as much as I enjoyed it, it lasted the first 2 days I knew him and then things went downhill. That first night we hung out, I couldn’t believe how amazing it felt. I’ll never forget it either. I just don’t get why things can’t ever work out for me!

Ugh, anyways. I’m just sitting here wishing my phone would arrive so that I could have it before work but I just know it’s not going to get here in time. If it doesn’t come today, I don’t know when I’ll get it because I will be gone all day tomorrow and Thursday I have my class and then work in the evening and then Friday morning class and work so it’s bullshit that I’m probably gonna have to wait until Friday to go to Fedex to pick it up when I even got free overnight shipping! i wish I could just stay home all night waiting for it but that’s not possible. I just wish they could bring shit in the daytime so I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit! Gah, I’m in such a bad mood!

New phone is here. Some horrible story to go along with it but I don’t have time now. Leaving for work.