I'm gonna be fine no matter what. in Since OD is shutting down....

So work tonight wasn’t too bad except tips were fucking ridiculous and we were dead the last hour an half I was there. I had a pretty decent night though and was glad that I napped earlier or there was no way in hell I would have survived until it was time to go home. I only made like $29 and I kinda blew it on Burger King, a 6 pack of Bud Light, a pair of sunglasses and 4 scratch tickets which I ended up winning like $40 which is the most I’ve ever won off those damn things and it kinda made my night.

I’ve done some thinking about Steve and just realize for things to not be working out is just another sign that I need to just be single. I still don’t understand how things started off amazing and then went downhill as fast as they did but I just think either he’s on the rebound, has a side chick, isn’t ready for a relationship, doesn’t know what he wants or isn’t as into me as he originally thought. I don’t know what his deal is but I don’t plan to spend any more time trying to figure it out. I brought him up tonight at work and everyone says what I had already thought. There’s something that’s not right and I need to hit the hills.

As much as I know it’s for the best that I just stay focused on myself, it does make me sad that things can’t ever work out, not even once. I really thought that Steve and I had made an amazing connection but every day we’ve hung out, he’s become more distant and withdrawn and it pisses me off that he’s either not very good at communication or is being really dishonest about something. It’s just not fair to me that he can’t just tell me what’s going on but at least it’s early enough that I didn’t fall for him or even get the chance to develop feelings for him and for that, I am truly grateful. I only wasted a few days with him, instead of several months and I know that I’ll be just fine.

It’s almost midnight and I’m very excited to go to bed. I’m still just so tired from spending the night with him and sacrificing sleep that it’s just another reminder why I can’t be gone all the fucking time and I now have to focus on catching up on sleep. Right now I am just so happy that 2 of my classes are online so I only have one that I go to which is everyday at 9am except on Wednesdays and I’m going to take full advantage of getting to sleep in tomorrow morning. I am just ridiculously tired right now but just wanted to touch on a few things before I lay down.

I decided tonight that I can’t only work 4 days a week because I get so bored, need money, and start feeling super anxious having 3 days off in a row so from now on, as long as I don’t have my niece or homework, I’m going to be at work. I don’t want to have a lot of free time anymore and now that things didn’t really work out with Steve, I don’t want to go back to having so much free time. There’s no reason to free up so much of my time because people don’t make me important anyway and because I love money, I’m going to be working more.

Bedtime.