Under Care in Pain

I sit back and think all the time where I would be had Randy not come into my life when he did. There was a 6 month span from where we met to when the shit hit the fan.

If I had stayed with Leo, he would have bailed at the first sign of my imminent failure, I know it. It would have been a bad time.

I am not overly religious or anything like that and my lifestyle show’s that I don’t follow all (or any) of the rules laid out by the religion I was brought up with. But I do have to say that I believe that God had to have some hand in bringing this man into my life.

I honestly think on a daily basis that had I not had Randy there throughout this whole ordeal, I am pretty sure my life would have ended a year and a half ago.

Aside from the immense pain I was dealing with then, the sheer thought of having my world crash down on me because of this chronic condition would have absolutely done me in.

I know I have the most amazing support from my family…but without him, I wouldn’t have had anyone to be there for me day in and day out. no one to hear my frustrations about how much of a failure I am.

I have these meltdowns every so oftenow where I am so frustrated because I can’t think of a word or I can’t make an omelet.

I am constantly reassured that life is going to be OK and that I will never be alone in this fight anymore.

A lot of people don’t see what happens in our day to day. they just think that I found a guy who makes enough money to support the both of us (he doesn’t) and so I am being a lazy bum and not trying to contribute. but the truth of the matter is that those kinds of people need to mind their own fucking business and not worry about my life.

His mother is one of those people. I understand she “worries” about her son and I’m sure I would too. but the fact is that she’s more worried that her son fell in love with a “Mexican” than anything else.

Whatever.