School starts tomorrow, last few days. in Since OD is shutting down....

I haven’t been writing because I met a new guy and stayed with him Wednesday night, Thursday night, and Friday night and last night. I gave some excuse this morning about having heartburn because I wanted to come home. I don’t see anything really happening with this guy. I did at first but over the few days we hung out, I noticed some issues that would more than likely would have become seriously problematic later on. He seemed super sweet, funny, romantic, patient and affectionate but I am pretty sure all of it was a fucking front and I get the feeling he’s just lonely and looking to fill that void.

Every night that we’ve hung out, I’ve had to be the one to buy food and beer as he doesn’t get paid until tomorrow. At first I didn’t mind but I started to feel like he was just taking advantage, not showing any appreciation, and I just didn’t feel like he was as giving as I was. I know that I didn’t have to bring food or beer over to his house but we wouldn’t hang out until I got off so I’d be hungry and he didn’t offer to cook dinner or anything and I didn’t want to just starve. I know that he doesn’t make a lot of money and he has child support but it’s bullshit to ask someone to spend the night but just assume they are okay with not eating or just hope they offer to bring food. I took pizza and beer over to his place last night when I got off and he didn’t hardly talk to me and I went to bed before he did so then he came in later and I sucked him off hoping that he would do the same for me which he didn’t, and then he passed out. This morning at about 6:30 he kept getting text messages and laying where I couldn’t see what was going on the screen of his phone and I decided to dip out.

I know that I didn’t even know this guy a week but I just felt like it was time to let it be. I just didn’t feel like he was being completely honest with me about things. I don’t believe he was that attracted to me physically and last night I tried to ask and he said that he loved the mental connection that we had made and that I was easy to talk to and he could be himself around me but absolutely no reassurance on being attracted to my physical appearance. He said he was because we had a great sexual connection but you don’t have to be physically attracted to someone to have sex with them and I know this because I wasn’t in any way, shape, or fucking form attracted to my ex John and we fucked like rabbits.

Because I’m so tired and I worked all weekend on hardly any sleep, I’m fine with not hearing from this person anymore and honestly wish I wouldn’t have wasted my nights hanging out with him because I missed out on seeing my niece this weekend and that really bothers me. It kills me when I don’t see her. I’m hoping that this guy just doesn’t text me again but even if he does, I will be honest with him and let him know I don’t like games, selfish men, or someone who is dishonest about anything. That’s no way to be if you are trying to start something new, especially when someone like me has been completely open and honest from day one. It’s bullshit that I NEVER get that in return.

But at least I pulled myself out of what could have turned out to be a complete and total waste of time this early though. I’m glad that I didn’t stick around any more than I did. I think he’s a cool guy but honestly, I can see why he’s single. Ok so he’s 41 and has a kid that he pays child support for. He said that when he moved here he wasn’t working for awhile so was behind in his child support but bought a whole bunch of hats from the mall. Um okay, I can see where his priorities are! I mean I understand if you need clothes but he had a bed covered in hats! Like, are you fucking kidding me! He also doesn’t make a lot of money, is only working part time right now and lives in a little hotel apartment. I’m not a judgmental bitch or anything but being there was just not going to be a place that I could hang out everyday. He was a smoker and smoked indoors (even after I told him it was killing me) and had a cat so everything (even my clothes) was completely covered in cat hair. Absolutely disgusting.

Whatever. Anyways, I worked for like 3 hours last night to help with dinner rush and then today I worked 12 til about 7pm. I worked at our other location and it was very nice to see some new faces and see another area of town. I liked it and plan to work over there again probably this weekend. My brother is now pissed that I didn’t see his kid all weekend and now I wonder if I’m going to get to see her anymore so if I don’t, I’m going to work more. What’s probably going to happen is I’m going to get back into school mode and make sure I won’t have too much homework and then see about just working as much as possible again. If I’m not going to have any kind of social contact outside of work then I’m gonna be there as much as I can. I refuse to go back to just being by myself on days off so if I can’t see that little girl again, everyone can find my happy ass working.

I just can’t get over him inviting me to spend the night but doesn’t say anything about cooking something for dinner! It’s just shocking how selfish and inconsiderate people are! I know that I’m going to get notes saying that maybe I didn’t give him enough of a chance and that’s possible but I can already see that the way he is and I’m totally turned off. There’s just too many things that would piss me off about this person already. He texted me finally and asked if I was okay and that he missed me all day so I waited like 25 minutes and wrote back saying I just got off a little bit ago.

Anyways, I’m gonna set my alarm and get my ass to bed because I have a class at 9am and need to shower right away so I’ll have time to get my hair dry. More later on tomorrow.