Babysat last night. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I made my lasagna, did dishes and had an old friend contact me about babysitting. The one that was horrible about paying and picking her kids up. I know that she did all those things before but I was also dying to see her kids. As soon as she messaged me on Facebook, I took a few minutes to actually even consider it before I responded because I just don’t want those things to go on again but last night, she was actually here to get them before midnight, which was about an hour an half before she said she’d be picking them up. Her kids have gotten so big and they have gotten even cuter!! I also had my brother bring my niece so that she could play with them and all 3 of them had a great time!!

It turned out to be a really fun evening with the kids and I’m hoping that I will start watching them regularly again. I missed them terribly and she told me that they were so excited about coming over which made me feel so awesome that they had remembered me. She said that she had ran into my ex and he had asked her where he knew her from and she just said, “IDK” because she knew but didn’t want to get caught up in a conversation with him. That guy just pisses me off. He knew that I had introduced them a long fucking time ago so I just wish yet again that he would just leave shit alone. I’ve seen people I’ve met because of him and I don’t try to talk to them and if I do, I don’t say one fucking word about him. Ugh, it just kinda pisses me off that he can’t let shit go.

Anyways, I’m just waiting for my niece to wake up and give her breakfast. I plan to nap once she goes home. I’m excited for tonight because it’s the season finale of Keeping up with the Kardashians. I’m sad that it’s gonna be over though. I seriously love that show. I wish my family could be close like they are. I look forward to that show every week and I’m glad I don’t work Sundays so I can watch it as soon as it comes on, instead of having to watch it on Mondays because I would get home too late. It’s gonna be good though, I’ve seen the previews.

That lady I was supposed to babysit for I still worry about. I worry about her doing something to my car or something. I know that she probably won’t but I just don’t trust people at all. People here are fucking crazy. I’m really annoyed that I was way more open than I normally am and she wasn’t open at all. I’m just not happy that she knows all of my information but I don’t know any of hers. She never even offered her phone number. Super shady. I know that she’s not from here so maybe she was just being cautious but still. I’m just still so pissed that this person wasted my time and monopolized my night the way she did. I just wish I knew what planet these people splash down from and it makes me question who’s allowed them to procreate. This chick seemed super immature to have kids at all and seemed really disorganized. I knew that I should have just left things alone but I get so fucking sick of being blown off that I was hoping that it would prove how much I wanted to watch her kids if I contacted her first but in the end, I just wasted my fucking time.

I’m going to keep looking for another job though. I do like where I’m at for numerous reasons but I know there’s better jobs out there and I’m going to keep looking until I find one. I know that I’m at a decent job now because of tips but I just don’t want to do it forever and once my car gets paid off, I want to start thinking about making different decisions. It’s just hard because I like what I do and feel comfortable there but I just don’t want to get so comfortable that I don’t ever leave.

Oh and I finally got my period on Friday. Thursday night actually. I still don’t understand why it takes so long for me to get it. I’m always so happy when it comes, but annoyed that I have to deal with it lol I’m just happy that it’s still consistent. I have it every month, but I’m now on the the 35 day cycle. I also do believe that the flax seed is helping me in a lot of different areas too. I definitely don’t feel as down anymore. I still have my days, but there aren’t like they used to be. I’m pretty sure a lot of it has to do with my ex and that I’ve just finally accepted the inevitable and it’s okay to leave the past in the past.

I understand what it means about how you can’t have someone in your life but they can always be in your heart. I have accepted that it will never be and it’s okay if I want to keep him in my heart. I’ve thought about him recently and I know now more than ever that I’m doing just fine without him and there’s probably nothing he could ever do to make up for what he did to me then. I forgive him simply because it’s not worth the energy to stay upset over things I can’t change but I don’t care to ever let him back into my life. He’s still just a selfish little boy that will probably live with his parents forever and doesn’t understand in the least bit how to treat women. I had never been treated so badly before until I met him or my ex John and now, I’m understanding that I don’t need other people to treat me well for me to like myself.

It’s just crazy how differently I feel about things now that I’m busy living my life and in a good place. I like where I’m at and I know the right guy will come along at the right time and that time just isn’t now. I wish it kinda was but I’m okay with just focusing on school, work, and losing weight for the time being. I do get kinda bored and it would be nice to have someone to go to movies with, have a NYE date, have someone to talk to when I get home, have someone to cuddle, just all the things that go along with the relationship except the fighting, arguing and just waiting for things to fall apart.

I still worry about finding someone and them falling out of love with me like he did. I think that’s always going to be a concern for me now. I am so scared of that happening again and that’s another reason why I’m okay with taking things slow and not putting my heart out there right away. It’s okay to not rush things and make sure you can be friends first and more than friends second. I made so many mistakes before and let so many mistakes happen before and I just want to be sure that I won’t let the next relationship take that same course.

More later. Niece went home so it’s nap time.