Dental cleaning, naps, being home. in Since OD is shutting down....

 So I've been off work since Friday at 3pm and I'm glad to be going back tomorrow afternoon. I love my days off because I get a break, catch up on sleep, get to see my niece and get to just relax and watch tv but I'm always glad when I get back to work because it gets boring being for 4 nights in a row. I might work more this week but I'm not sure yet. I kinda told the home health aide place that I would attend the Alzheimer's Training on Wednesday from 9am to 5pm. I've done some thinking about this job and I'm not completely ready to say no and would like a little bit more time in training and see if I get more comfortable and if not, I've made a few extra bucks for my pocket.

It’s been a super pleasant weekend and I’ve really enjoyed my break from school. I am also ready for school to start back up too. I have a week before school starts so I need to get in one last weekend of freedom before my weekends start getting filled up with homework again. I got my financial aid letter from my school and it’s not for the right amount so I’m guessing the scheduling lady didn’t get my new schedule put in as the website is saying the classes I had originally signed up for which puts me at only 8 credits and I need 9. I’ve called both of them and hopefully it can get straightened out tomorrow and it won’t delay my financial aid. I’m now a little bit concerned but if it does happen, I will just have to deal with it. I’m definitely annoyed at the thought of having to wait especially because it’s not my fault, it’s there’s for not putting it in right away. I knew when I looked online like a week ago it was still saying the original classes I had signed up for and I knew I should have called but just figured it was wrong or they hadn’t had the chance to change it but yeah…now I get to worry about that. Fuck.

I’m definitely ready to get back to work. It’s been very cold here, dark, roads aren’t fantastic and just not a fun time when you have to be outside. I slept really good the past few nights and didn’t want to get up this morning at 6:45 for my dentist appointment at 7:40, especially when I had to stand outside for 5 minutes waiting for them to unlock the door. It was -15 this morning so 5 minutes outside felt like a fucking eternity. The cleaning went fantastic and the dentist that did my exam was probably the sweetest dentist in the world. NO CAVITIES!!!!! I was a tad worried because I’m just a worry wart and because I’ve had so many dental problems in the past but everything is fine except I need to pay more attention when brushing my back teeth since there was some plaque built up on them. I know that I’ve been in a hurry every time I’ve brushed them recently either because I’m getting ready for work or because it’s the end of the night and I’m trying to go to bed. They said I need to brush for at least 2 minutes from now on.

So my friend Ian is having a lot of relationship issues with his girlfriend and I spent like 2 hours on the phone with him last night trying to make him understand things and he told me more bad things about her than good and he admitted that she’s not healthy for him. I don’t mind being someone’s counselor but sometimes it pisses me off especially when people completely disappear when they find a relationship and then you don’t hear from them until things aren’t working out. I haven’t heard from him in about a year and I have some resentment as I was kinda left behind once he met her and I haven’t seen him in so long because this girl has isolated him from everyone. I’m just annoyed because I’m probably not the best person to talk to about relationships since I don’t have one and the ones I did have weren’t healthy or decent by any means.

Oh and my friend Heather has called about everyday, left voicemails, and text messages wondering why I haven’t spoke to her. Well today when I was napping, she had left a voicemail wanting some kind of explanation why I don’t want to be friends anymore so I texted her and explained why. I told her that it pissed me off how she has always told me that I have a big mouth but then I confide in her about a concern in which she goes and tells the boss when I wanted to mention it when I was ready. I also told her how rude she was when I confronted her about it. She never did respond and that’s completely fine with me. I really don’t care about having friends anymore. I know that sounds shitty but I used to work so hard to have friends and all I did was chase people and now it’s just not much of a priority because it takes up so much time and energy and most of the time, it always ends on bad terms. Not into it. I’m okay with not really being close to anyone at this point in my life because every time I’m close with people, something goes wrong.

I also was looking at my ex’s sister’s Facebook page and she has said something about starting school in the next few days. I don’t know if she’s even graduated high school but I really hope she’s not going to be attending the same school as me because she’s trouble. I remember the drama I had with her about 2 and a half years ago and I would just rather not have to worry about running into her, especially on a regular basis. There’s no saying she would be going to the same school as me, even in the same program or even the same classes but it still makes me anxious ya know? I know the bullshit that this girl can create and how crazy she can be so I really hope I won’t run into her. She’s the type to either try and fight you or do something to your car and that’s like the last thing I need. I just wish I didn’t have to worry about shit like this. It’s just sad when you have to worry about people who don’t act like adults at all. Ugh, I really hope she won’t be attending school where I do and I can avoid her at all costs. Life has been going pretty well for me lately so I hope it doesn’t get ruined by seeing her in the halls of my school or anywhere near there and then have to worry about her creating problems again.

It’s another horribly cold evening so I’m glad to be staying in where it’s warm. I plan to find a good movie on Huluplus and just hang out on the couch with my warm microfleece blankets. I took the most amazing nap earlier and am looking forward to bedtime. I’ve been more tired the last few days because I haven’t been taking my diet stuff since I’ve been cheating more and it’s not going to do much for me when I’m not eating the right things. I’m so tired of how cold it’s been because that’s the only reason I haven’t been going to the gym. I just can’t risk working out and then ending up with an ear infection or strep because I was sweaty or something after leaving the gym. I seriously can’t stand this cold weather anymore and every year it just bothers me more and more.

I really want to get my laundry done but I think I’ll just wait until tomorrow. I don’t work until 4pm so I have plenty of time to get it done. I did dishes today and now I just want to sit and relax. The Twilight movies are on so I’m kinda watching them right now. It’s blowing snow outside and super cold so it’s super nice to get to stay in tonight. I bought some food at Walmart today after the dentist and got some more toothpaste. They gave me a couple different trial size tubes but then I bought like 4 more. I have like a fear of running out and I like a variety. I probably own like 20 different kinds of toothpaste and I like to have plenty of extra toothbrushes as well. I take my oral hygiene very seriously, I honestly am more concerned about teeth than anything else.

Ugh, I’m still thinking about that girl and really hoping I’m not going to have to deal with her at school. I don’t even want to worry about seeing her in the halls. I just hate people from the past that have created issues that I never want to see again managing to find a way to resurface in my life. I’m not interested in ever dealing with her again so I’m hoping that I’m just worrying for nothing. It was just a crappy time of my life when her and I were hanging out and I just knew that there was a reason why her and I never hung out in the past because she wasn’t around more than a few weeks when things went awry. She’s fucking crazy. I knew my ex wasn’t lying when he told me that and then when I got to see it for myself, I was completely in shock that someone so outgoing and funny could have such a dark, evil side to them.

Thinking about her makes me remember all the shit that went on at the time of my life and all of it is shit that I would love to forget. I remember how everything was completely up in the air, none of it made sense and I didn’t even know who I was or what it was to be happy again. By the time she came around, with her girlfriend and her ex, things with my boyfriend had started to fall apart and I know the only reason I was hanging out with any of them was because I didn’t want to be alone. I knew that none of them were good for me but I just needed to feel like I had friends. They used me for their own selfishness, mainly for a place to hang out with each other and didn’t give a flying fuck what I was going through but I allowed it because I just didn’t want to be alone. It was nice having people around at that point in my life.

Talking to my friend last night about his relationship troubles made me remember what it was like when I went through my own and I’m just so fucking glad I’m not dealing with anyone’s shit at this point in my life. It almost seems next impossible to be happy with someone nowadays. I’m honestly content just living my life, paying my bills, getting to do my own thing on days off and just enjoying being happy again. I remember all too well what it was like when my ex was leaving me and staying in my bed high as fuck on Vicodin because I didn’t know what else to do about the pain. I just wanted to be numb. Numb was better than being in pain all the fucking time.

OMG so my Mom is here. I heard someone knocking on my window and I figured it was my friend so I didn’t look out and then before I let her in, I realized who it was and now I’m just annoyed. She isn’t really saying anything about her personal life and it’s super awkward so I’m going to send her over to my brother’s house whether he likes it or not. She’s not going to just dump in on my life! I’m sorry that the roads are bad and she can’t make it home but that doesn’t mean I should get stuck with her. She is going to go stay with him now, thank God. I just refuse to deal with her at all at this point. She asked when I was going to be done being mad and I said I probably wasn’t. I got used horribly by them and I just feel that as long as I keep my guard up then it won’t happen again. I also don’t like her just showing up out of nowhere but because I blocked her number, it’s not like she could have announced her arrival but I think it’s time I get serious about moving. I just can’t put up with her showing up like this anymore. It’s not my fault that they chose to move out to the middle of fucking nowhere so it’s hard to get to and from work when the roads are bad but that’s her fucking problem! She’s already been told numerous times she can’t fucking stay here. It’s sad that I don’t even want my Mom around but she’s made it this way. She’s made ME this way.

I’m just still very upset about what’s gone on with my parents and I just feel that it’s in my best interest to be cold and unfriendly because that way they know I’m done being used and taken advantage of. I’m sorry that it has to be this way but maybe they need to take a look at how they’ve been for so long and that it’s time to make some changes! My brother said my Mom went over there and basically as soon as she came inside, his girlfriend went to their bedroom so my Mom decided to go home. My brother said he thinks her feelings are hurt and acts like we all chased her out of here but she can’t just expect to crash in on us after months of not being around and expect us to be too excited about seeing her, especially when she’s just coming around because she needs a place to stay due to the roads being shitty. It’s not fair to us and no matter how you try to tell her this shit, it just doesn’t compute!

Anyways, time for a bath.