All Right in General

Well here we are. New Years Eve.

It seems to keep happening even though I would have assumed I’d be long dead by now. In my twenties I couldn’t even conceive of being in my fifties.

Let alone sitting at a desk strewn with textbooks and half finished thoughts and homework.

2014 doesn’t rate in this life. I did nothing spectacular, practically accomplished nothing. I drew a breath and expelled carbon dioxide.

I’d say I was depressed, but I know what depression is - and this isn’t it.

It is more along the lines of what I was feeling as a high school senior - not sure of what course to plot, what bearing to take.

By the end of January I have a Masters Degree. For whatever that is worth.

Then I move on.

The only idea I have had in the last few months that even vaguely interests me is the paralegal route.

Weird thoughts that go through my mind on New Year’s Eve:

Dulci is seeking attention. I wonder if she remembers Gizmo/Ammiana?

I have been challenged to make a phone call at exactly midnight. Things to not do: Tug on Superman’s cape, spit into the wind, and challenge a Naval Aviator to anything.

My thumb will hover over the “send” button until the ball hits the bottom of the fall in Times Square.

This is a strange game I am playing.

But. Really. Has there ever been anything not strange about things I have done in this life?

Seems a refrain.

But it seems that weird space between boredom and total adrenaline if where I thrive.

Really. Isn’t that where we all thrive?

*Losing my aim losing time
And after
Ten in the morning I find
It matters
But it’s all right this time

Pulls from the tether to rise
And shatters
Caught in the wind far and wide
It scatters

If I hear the call
Of the lorelei
No I will not fall
It’s all right this time

Never patterns
But for the loss of things
Gaining
Catching up with me
And these ladders
Rising and endlessly
Leading
Nowhere I can see

If I hear them cry
That it’s killing time
No I will not fight
It’s all right this time

-Toad the Wet Sprocket, “All Right”*

Last updated December 31, 2014