Training/Orientation in T-Minus 3 hours! in Since OD is shutting down....

Ok so the day is finally here!!! I am actually pretty excited about this new adventure and I’m really hoping that things go good so that I can be happy within a job again. Last night was the Christmas party to which I didn’t attend and not one person bothered to even text to ask if I was coming or not! It kinda bothered me but at the same time, I was glad they didn’t because I didn’t want to be disturbed while I watched tv and got ready for the bed since it didn’t start til about 8:30 and that’s when my sleep aids started to kick in.

I spent a better part of the day yesterday worrying about my rent, how the new job could affect my housing and worrying that I won’t get enough hours and feeling trapped at my current job. My rent went down like $15 but it’s still super fucking high so I worry about that. I didn’t have enough in my account so I had to max out my credit card because I was like $65 short. It’s just bullshit that even though I get help with rent, I’m still going completely broke paying it! I just don’t get how they expect people to live! I was pretty upset yesterday but then I started texting my brother’s ex who helped me do the math with my new job and as long as I’m only part time there, and work at my current job a little bit every week, I’ll be fine.

My biggest concern is that because hours at the new job aren’t guaranteed, I’m still gonna have to work too much at my current job and I seriously can’t do that. Even though I’ve been off for 3 days, I still wish I didn’t have to go there today! I’m just so burnt out with that place, the way it’s ran, knowing I will NEVER get a raise, and not making enough to survive. I just have to hope that the new job will give me enough so I will be okay and if not, I’m going to keep looking for a job where I will get the hours I need and will work with my school schedule. I just can’t see myself staying where I’m at for too much longer without losing my mind or becoming incredibly depressed.

Anyways, my brother managed to piss me off pretty good again yesterday. I really didn’t want to leave my house as it was like -15 out, my car was covered with snow, and anytime I go do shit on my days off it takes forever because people can’t drive for shit here. Well he said that him and his girlfriend were gonna be heading up to Walmart so I asked him if I gave him money if he would get me a loaf of bread and some syrup (wanted french toast) and he said as soon as he knew they were gonna go, he’d give me a call. Well, I wait about a half hour and realize that he’s not going to call and I didn’t want to wait so I went ahead and did my banking and got what I needed so as soon as I was back for like 10 minutes, he texted and asked if I still needed bread, pretending like he hadn’t noticed my car wasn’t covered with snow anymore or that it had been gone for about an hour and I wrote back and said I went ahead and took care of it and then he switched it around on me and asked why I didn’t bother to call him! Um, yeah ok well he told me he would call when he knew they were going and never did as he didn’t want to get me the stuff I asked for because he’s a selfish piece of shit!

I know this shit is never going to change but I guess I’m stuck dealing with it if I want to see my niece. I do think I’m going to stop taking her overnight as I don’t believe it’s fair that he can’t do anything to help me out with even the smallest things so I don’t feel that I need to be a free overnight babysitter either. I have to start setting serious boundaries with him before I fucking snap. I’m so tired of these unhealthy fucking people and he’s the only one I have left and it’s only because of his kid. But even with her in the picture, I can’t keep allowing this person to treat me like this. If he can’t EVER do anything for me then I don’t need to do anything for him either. I know that it’s more my niece wanting to spend the night than him pushing it but I am so tired of one sided relationships, especially from my brother who has fucked me over more than anyone else on the planet. I just can’t put up with this shit anymore.

I have about an hour an a half until I have to leave. I have to take my work shirt with me as I have to go to work as soon as I’m done. I’m also supposed to work 12-7 the next 2 nights but I’m hoping my new job will need me so I can change that. I won’t get paid extra to work the holiday so I’d rather not! Or at least not be there all fucking day! God, I’m just so fucking over that place. I have to get out of there before I lose it. I just can’t stand the way I’m treated there.

I’m glad that it’s finally the day for orientation and training. I hope it’s not going to be one of those things where it’s a shit load of people because it’s like when there’s too many people, it’s even more awkward. I’m just glad that I’ve showered, I’m going to be fully awake when I get there and I’m hoping it’s not going to be terribly uncomfortable. The boss lady already gives me good vibes so that alone makes me feel more comfortable because I know how it is to go to shit like this and everyone is just starting at you and making shit more awkward.

I was feeling super fucking stressed and a little bit down yesterday but then I had to remember that I will have my car paid off in the next 3 weeks, I am going to be working a new job so I won’t have to worry as much about the one that pisses me off, I’m getting my education and I won’t have car payments. I just can’t stress enough how fucking sick of that I truly am. If it wasn’t for financial aid, I would NEVER have it paid off! I would be in a way worse predicament if I didn’t get financial aid and that scares me because I’m not going to get it forever and I have to be smart with my money. I do plan to buy a second car with taxes but I’m not sure yet. I have a lot of shit to pay off, like my credit car and a couple of small bills on my credit report but I’ll be damned if I ever make car payments again. I seriously am never going to make enough money for everything and I’m so fucking sick of going without and having to juggle to make things work. I’ve also had to go hungry because of my car payments and that’s super unfair.

Ugh, so because I slept so much the past 3 days, I’ve been up since like 5:30. I just couldn’t sleep anymore. I know I’m gonna be hella fucking tired later as I’m scheduled until 10:30 and I have to be there right after I leave my training. I’m just gonna hope my day goes fast. I just have to make sure I take a work shirt with me and my contacts. I can’t wear them all day or else they are gonna be super blurry and annoying as fuck by the time I get to work and I won’t be able to take them out or else my eyes are going to be fucked for the rest of the night and I have to be able to read shit. I can’t find my glasses which really sucks but I don’t even remember the last time I had them. I looked and just can’t seem to find them anywhere so I’m just gonna take my contacts with me and hope I will be okay without them until I get to work later.

I’m showered, dressed and going to dry my hair soon. It’s super cold again today so I want to make sure my hair is completely dry before I walk outside. I’m really tired of the cold and can’t wait until spring gets here. All these months of winter time get really fucking old. I’ve noticed that every year I get more and more annoyed with the cold. Probably because I’m getting older and my tolerance for it is slowly decreasing. I can understand why old people like to live in warmer places.

I just received an email from the owner of the home health aide place and I guess I have to be there early so she can make copies of my DL and insurance. I’m wondering where exactly to park because down there it’s metered so that kinda concerns me. I guess there’s a meeting at 5:15 for us to meet the other caregivers. Yippee. I just love meeting people so that really doesn’t make me feel great but hey, at least I have been warned haha.

I’m just ready to get there and start training and find out exactly what the job is about, what we do, how many clients we will see in a day, what the pay is and if there’s benefits at all.

Oh and then last night Anthony texted me at like midnight! I was super fucking pissed that he woke me up so I just lay there fuming for like a half hour and then I blocked him. I haven’t heard from that guy since I told him to kick rocks weeks ago so I can’t understand why he would feel that it’s acceptable to not only text me, but at midnight?! I also get annoyed when I tell someone to buzz off but they don’t. The guy was a fucking loser that couldn’t keep a job to save his life so I’m not sure why he would be bothering me now other than he can’t find someone to put up with his jobless ass. It’s bullshit because he’s 31 and has a child! Why do men think that women want someone who can’t keep a fucking job that has kids they aren’t financially supporting! That lets us know that if we get knocked up, we are completely on our own! No thanks, I’m not ready to be a single Mom!

I know how shitty it is to not have a job and I don’t want anyone to think that I’m better than anyone else because I’m employed but if I were to date someone that doesn’t work and has no real plans to stay employed for more than a month, it makes me really uncomfortable because they have nothing to contribute and you end up paying for everything. I’ve done it enough times in the past and tried to give people the benefit of the doubt that they’ll get and keep a job but they really don’t have to when they live off you, drive your car and you are the one paying for food and utilities. There’s no real incentive for them to work ya know? Especially with men because a lot of them have no pride whatsoever and don’t mind someone taking care of them. I am barely making enough to support myself so it’s not in my best interest to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t work. I’m also annoyed that he would text me as late as he did. He knows that we are 2 hours apart. I just get so tired of disrespectful people! I wanted to write back and just be a total bitch but most of the time, people don’t see how they do anything wrong and it’s not worth arguing with someone that I don’t want in my life so I just blocked him and let it be. Apparently he couldn’t find someone to put up with his out to work ass. I’m just still pissed that he wasn’t honest right away about his situation and had even asked me to buy him a fucking plane ticket to come visit me! He said that he had the money to come visit but had to save it since he wasn’t working. Um okay well that’s not my problem and I’m not going to pay for someone to come visit and obviously not have any money for when they get here. No fucking thank you. Do people honestly think that being a selfish piece of work like that is really okay?! I mean wow!! I also got pissed that he wanted ME to come visit him even after numerous times explaining to him that because of work and school, I can’t just up and leave! It just seems like most men really don’t put forth a lot of effort to make something work and just hope the woman does everything!

I have to leave here pretty soon! I’m glad that I am fully awake and am ready to go about my day. I’m worried about if we’ll get a break or not so I can go get something to eat. I don’t want to go the whole day without eating. I’m also worried that I’ll be super hungry before getting to work. I’ll probably just stop and get something on my way there. I’m glad that I’ve had time off to just chill but I’m definitely glad to be getting back to work. I know that 3 days is a lot of time to have off but I just can’t fucking stand being there 5 days a week anymore.

Alright I’m gonna just relax for about 10 minutes and head out the door. Wish me luck..