And the new year has begun in Torridaussity Two

So my friends and I rang in the new year by having an 80’s pajama luau. All of us girls were sporting side pony tails and blue eye shadow and we all wore pajamas and had leis or grass skirts. My one male friend even wore a coconut bra and by the end of the night was sympathetic with women and having to wear bras lol. It was a great night and spent with great friends. To back it up a bit let me rehash the last two months.

family- mom is almost fully recovered and should be returning to work on the 19th of January. My brother is being an actual functioning member of this family. My grandfather is going to the doctor on Tuesday to find out if he is a candidate for a procedure to fix his heart valve. His girl friend and my surrogate grandma is currently in the hospital she had gone into kidney failure, but is getting better.

work- I have been on vacation since Christmas Eve and am spoiled. I have loved not working and don’t want to go back. I was more burnt out than I thought. After this year I will really be going full force with looking for another job. Most people in my line of work don’t last 10 years, I am in my 10th year.

health-I am not sure what I have written about my health, but I am diabetic and I have been eating very poorly and this is not good. I am forcing myself to get back in shape and eat better. My auto immune disorder was starting to come back, but seems to have hidden again so that is good.

Friends-My friend from Germany has withdrawn from the friendship because he is a relationship again and it hurts that when he is single he is supportive and kind and caring, but when he is with someone he goes away almost completely. I expect some chance in the dynamic, but he almost disappears.

love- well I was talking to one guy and he was 26 and showed his immaturity when instead of saying he was no longer interested, he just stopped communicating. So another face palm inducer. Then there is second chance Matt who once every couple of weeks tries to communicate with me and I continue to ignore him. Now there is James, my friend’s co-worker. My co-worker told him about me and he said he wanted to meet me so we decided on a group date with my friend and his wife. I told my friend to give him my number and he initiated the first and only awkward phone call. He admitted in a round about fashion that he is a little awkward so I encouraged texting in case he felt better with that. Well if I didn’t text him, he would not have in the last 5 weeks contacted me. I have done all the work and on Monday when I texted to make sure we are on for Saturday it took him two days to respond. I texted today to confirm the time with him after speaking to my friends and he hasn’t responded at all. I don’t even want to go now because I get the vibe that he doesn’t really care about it at all. I will go and be open minded, but if there is no connection that’s it one date no more. I am not giving up my time to be with someone who can’t bother to communicate and care to be involved. Two other friends have potential suitors, but I am taking them one at a time. One is James (yes another James) and one is Jason just in case we need names for the future. I continued to talk to Mikey whom I’ve been in a friendship/relationship for over 4 years now and at times I just wish he would want more. We are more than just friends, but with him being in England it’s not much more. He encourages me to date yet gets extra clingy when I do....ugh Men. There is another guy who continues to play with my affections ARJ and I will not lie I let him. I am not immune to wanting to hear someone tell me they care about me and want me to be happy and tell me I am beautiful who I also care about in return because we are friends, but I think I let him flirt and cross that friend line a bit and then I get my hopes up, knowing he doesn’t mean it. We’ve had the discussion and I end up feeling hurt and it’s my fault. I don’t seek out affirmation from strangers I just get too attached sometimes. So my resolve in general for the new year is to be less of a doormat when it comes to crossing the friend line back and forth and just making sure we are friends.

Past Year Summary- In general there were good things and bad that happened. My grandmother passing away was definitely the lowest low and my mom’s health issues were also a low. I have managed to maintain many friendships, let my heart heal when hurt more than once, have continued to keep moving on, even when exhausted and burnt out.

New Year Aspirations- I don’t make resolutions I break them, but I do have hopes for the new year
-get healthy and lose weight
-travel to Iceland with bestie Amanda and perhaps German friend Sascha if he doesn’t completely disappear
-find happiness by myself so I am open to happiness with someone else
-figure out how to make myself more stable financially
-be a better person than I was this year

Well this was a long one so I shall end there by saying Happy New Year. May you all have wonderful years filled with love, joy, and happiness.