Does aging worry you? in Stuff

So much for those six new staff that I found out were hired when I got to work on Monday haha. My manager has asked me if I can work tomorrow night.
Like, seriously?
Of course I’ll do it. I rarely turn an extra shift down. It’d be silly to, and it’s always this time of year when cash goes flying out the window, and that’s not even to do with presents. It’s to do with hiring cars to go out to my parents place.

My mother’s idea of a great Christmas is to have the whole family there. Things have been very quiet on the dad-front, but I suppose they would be when he deleted me from Facebook and all. I’m hoping he’s gradually realizing as time goes by how stupid he’s been. The more and more celebrities that he knows who come out over the years tend to work out in my favour. Especially Ian Thorpe. Dad was always a huge Thorpie fan. Hey, maybe you’re son hasn’t been feigning his orientation the past twelve years! Whatdaya know, dad?

Anyway, so I’ll be nice and go out there, probably even stay overnight Christmas night, which is a big deal. It’ll be in their new house, and there’s quite a few spare rooms so I’m sure they’ll find room for me, plus they have the caravan. My nieces and nephew live in the same town now, so I guess they’ll just go home to their mum’s place. It’ll be interesting to see how much my other nephew has grown (the one to my little brother).

But before that even happens, I’m hiring a car to go to the extended family Christmas lunch in Toowoomba on Saturday. I threw out an invite on Facebook if anyone on my friends list needs a lift there, as I figure I’ll be in the car myself with four spare seats, so why not? Never know and I’m happy to drop them off. I have to come back a few hours later though, as I’m rostered to work that night. I told my manager about it when I replied about working tomorrow night (or, tonight now). So yeah, that always costs money, the car hire and all. I hate the idea of paying the insurance as it pretty much doubles the price. But with that massive hailstorm that came through a few weeks back (the entry with the pictures), it’s made me a bit paranoid. God-dammit. Maybe I should just risk it. I’ve only got the car for the one night this Saturday, but next week on Christmas Eve, I’ve got it booked for five. I was going to alter my booking to make it shorter, as I don’t really need that long, but hey, you know what? I might actually treat myself to a nice drive somewhere before I have to take it back on the Monday. Maybe on the Sunday. I think that would be a nice thing to do for myself on one of the days between Christmas and New Year. Maybe drive out to one of the dams? Go back to my country roots for a few hours, breathe in the fresh air.

Speaking of, I actually get New Year’s Eve off! I’ve no idea what to do for it, but I should do something exciting. This year has just absolutely flown by :) And I haven’t really spent the majority of it working either, which means I haven’t really gotten anywhere financially, but from a lifestyle point of view, the year has been pretty incredible. If I looked at my life from a friend’s point of view who didn’t have time to scratch their own arse, I’d probably be pretty envious. Although they would have money to soften the blow.
I only get by so well because I’m not that silly with money. I believe I have slightly more than I did this time last year, which I guess is a bonus. In fact, I’m sure I do, so I shouldn’t complain.

Next year, something big is going to have to happen though. It scares me that something might involve me becoming one of those people who has no life cos I work all the time, ages, gets depressed that I’ve wasted my life and doesn’t have any friends.
I mean, I don’t have many actual real-life friends anyway haha, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was on my mind.
Especially since turning 31. 31 year old’s usually have 10 year old kids by now! or, if you’re one of my fellow schoolmate’s, your kid would be 17 :P Yup, one of my school friends got a chick preggers at 14. He surprised me by becoming a great dad though. So yeah, who knows where I’ll end up. I’ve even considered not going to Mardi Gras for a week like I’ve always done in the past, just cos it costs far too much. I don’t wanna be completely boring however, and might just go down for that weekend instead.

Gym is going fairly good. I have days where I like how I look, and others where I don’t. My chocolate craving is my weakness. I know that. I find it impossible to beat. Does it have caffeine in it or something? Why is it SO NICE??
Anyway, so going on weight, I literally just checked myself then and I weigh 89.1kg, but I did just eat. That is however, the heaviest I’ve ever weighed and that’s encouraging for me.

I had a really late gym session last night, and went around 3:30am on my night off. I was alone to start with but a girl came in later on just to use the treadmill, which was nowhere near me. When I finished some guy was in the weights area, which meant he totally would have seen me with my arse in the air doing my core exercises lol. I like to do those when nobody is in the gym because they look SO stupid when I do them, but I definitely feel them, so I feel like they are beneficial. Of course though, I have like a bazillion ‘muscle-god’ ‘friends’ on Facebook who are always posting selfies or model shots of themselves and I feel like I’ll never look anywhere near as good as they are, and of course they get like 150 likes on each photo. One guy even gets around 750 likes on some of his pics, simply because he’s muscled, tanned and tatted, which seems to be the gay man’s hat-rick. Where are your flaws, people?? I need flaws so I don’t feel so bad! :P

Enough of criticizing myself. I’m definitely not going the wrong way, let’s put it that way. If life was meant to be easy, I’d strike it rich, meet the guy of my dreams and go live on an island somewhere in a mansion with an endless supply of everything, but hey, how boring! Let’s struggle to get by and learn in the process, right?

Speaking of ‘selfies’ before, I read an article earlier in the week that people who take Selfies have severe phychological issues.
LOL!
Wow. Everyone on the planet is bat-shit crazy then! It’s not just me!
So, to battle this theory, I decided to take a selfie of myself, literally 10 minutes ago, laying on my bed, which seems to be my ‘groove’ these days. It may as well be if I keep having days where I’m getting out of bed at 6pm. Yep, I had one day last week where I got out of bed at 6pm. Generally that happens on a Monday when I start work at 8pm, but usually I’m out of bed by 2pm at least. 6pm was just insane. But, time does get away on me, so so fast. I’m pretty sure I went to bed around 9:30am that day, for whatever reason. It’s 2:15am as I type this, and I was considering going to the gym again. My life is just the complete opposite of everyone else. Mornings are generally written off as I’m passed out. It was especially tough this morning because my lovely housemates decided to turn the air-conditioning off when it was 38 fucking degrees outside. Ergh. I only sleep with a sheet on at the moment anyway, thankfully. I just like something covering me.
Anyway, here’s my selfie I just took :P Be nice.

So yeah, apparently that makes me have ‘severe psychological issues’ because I took that selfie.

I think the point I was trying to get at is that the media is really over-doing it. They really, just, are.
LET people take a photo of themselves. Sure, some people might be seen to over-do it with the duck-face every 2 minutes they are awake, but you know what? We do only live once and people are only young once, and that sure has been going through my head the past few weeks.

I don’t ‘feel’ any different being 31, but subconsciously I know I am. That age-old saying ‘Age is just a number’ really needs to try and get stuck in my head each year as I get older, or else I really will look and feel as old as my age says, and I’ll get down about it.

How do you guys all deal with it? Do you think about aging as much as I do? Does it worry you? I don’t really have a beauty routine or anything like that. I never really have. But thinking about when I’m 62, double the age I am now, which means living my entire life all over again, is a bit of a concern.
Maybe it’s on my mind because the gay world is so superficial? We all know I’ve gone for guys who I feel are my type looks-wise. I never did for years and just decided that I needed to, otherwise there was no point. To me it wasn’t so much superficial as it just made sense. I don’t have the greatest personality. I can’t captivate an audience through my sentences. Never have. It’s just not me. I’ve always been the quiet observer who’ll only say something if the opportunity is there. I’ve always felt I could never attract a guy with my personality alone. I’d need a decoy, whatever that is.

I’m sure there’s a reason for all this. My stupid humour, my gym-going, my single status for the past 6+ years, my worrying about not aging gracefully, my financial worries even though I am quite comfy and live with what I’ve got…
But anything can happen.
And everything happens for a reason.