Weight loss issues. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’m getting kinda frustrated with my weight. It’s just not happening as fast as I’d like it to or like it has before. I even did water pills for 2 days and all it did was make me super dehydrated and my weight fluctuate on the fucking scale. The scale is now saying I’m like 8 pounds up from my lowest point last week so I’m getting discouraged big time. My plantar fasciitis has also been giving me more trouble than normal as well. I just don’t know what the fuck to do about losing weight but I’m very frustrated. I have a doctors appointment on the 7th and I’m going to ask them about it. I know they’ll tell me to just keep eating right and exercising but I do worry there could be something medically wrong because even when I eat all the right things, I just don’t see the results I think I should be.

My niece spent the night last night and is still here. I made her frozen blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She ate both of them!! I love when she eats all of her food! She’s now watching Hotel Transylvania and sitting on the edge of my recliner with me. I might try and nap when she goes home. I would love to hit the gym but I’m pretty sure I’m coming down with a cold and don’t want to make it worse.

Ugh, I just want to lose some weight and get healthy. I don’t understand why it has to be such a difficult task. I hate how big I am. I see my friends on Facebook losing weight and looking amazing and I want that too. I just can’t seem to make it happen for whatever reason. I’m not going to give up but I just want my hard work to pay off is all.

I guess I’m working 12-7 on Christmas Eve because we are closed Christmas Day. I’m okay with that because I need my hours and hopefully make enough for car payment and cell phone in that one day. I’m probably gonna have to work Saturday to make up for Christmas Day however. That I’m not excited about but I do need the money. I seriously can’t wait for my fucking car to get paid off so that I won’t have to work so much. I’ve been making car payments for almost a year and I’ve seriously had enough. I pay about $500 total between payments and insurance alone and it’s really getting old. I also pay for maintenance too which gets really expensive. They want me to trade it in and I would love to but I can’t continue with car payments. I want to get through school and not have to deal with car payments. Once this car is paid off, I plan to just buy cars outright because I’m going to save my income tax so that if something happened, I would be okay. I just can’t stand not owning my car.

It still makes me super angry that I got fucked over as bad as I did and not just from a greedy, evil mechanic but my parents as well. I am a person that believes in forgive and forget but I just don’t see myself ever being able to forgive them for taking advantage of an already financially distressing situation because anytime I try and forgive them and try to believe they wouldn’t do that kind of shit to me again, they do. There’s never any redemption for them because it’s not like they think they did anything wrong so they don’t even apologize and if something like that ever happened again, I can guarantee they would be right there to “help” just as they did before.

I have accepted that my parents are just horrible people. I asked my brother last night if he was going to try and include them with Christmas and he said no. Neither one of us have heard from them so either things with them are going better or they are pissed that we don’t give them money anymore. They don’t really want contact with anyone unless they are benefiting from it. It sucks that they have to be such awful people and they are missing out on our lives but there’s nothing we can do about it.

I remember trying so hard to have a relationship with them, especially with my Dad even after all the shit he pulled on me growing up but after getting used, lied to, and him talking all kinds of shit about me, I finally realized I’m better off. He’s always telling my little brother that I’m nothing more than a “fucking bitch” and that I’m crazy but yet will still ask to borrow money?! My Dad is more like a teenager than never matured into an actual adult. He was just awful to me growing up and I thank God everyday that I’m no longer living under his roof or even have to speak to him.

It’s just crazy when I think back on how different my life could be if I had normal, loving parents but how much stronger I’ve become without them too. I know that I’m gonna be just fine and I’m actually glad that they aren’t around because then I have to worry about being used and having to have my guard up. I just don’t have any trust or respect left for them and don’t see that ever changing. I do hope they are doing okay and everything but I just need to keep my distance now.

Ok, on to some Facebook shit that really irritates me. This is a status update from some girl that is always crying for attention: Just wanna make some things clear before anyone else tries to talk shit.people act like we have money because the picture of my kids by the tree, and what’s under it. He gets around 50 hours every week at 12 an hour.After child support we have about 100$ left,if we’re lucky. 105$ goes to the jail every Tuesday until he’s off house arrest on April 25th.If he don’t pay or have full amount,be goes back to jail. The little that’s left(if any) goes to bills,diapers,and food. Im always trying to figure out whats worth pawning. Right now my xbox n laptop are in. So i can put gas in the car and pay my electric. I have yet been able to pay full amount to get them out. Almost lost them twice. Four presents under my tree are for all of us,that my dad sent us. Some from someone else that sent my kids and jaz a few things and I one. One thing from my mom,which I already know what is it because I wrapped it. The rest? Is hand me down clothed & used donated books. They didn’t get toys. They got donated clothes n books. Find out our story before talking shit and making it sound like I take all I can get. We struggle weekly because the state takes everything a week,literally everything. I’m just not like some of y’all and bitch and complain about how I can’t afford this or that over Facebook.

What makes me so mad is all of this information is private, as in shouldn’t be on Facebook! By telling everyone this crap, you are just opening the door for ridicule and further gossip! Grow the fuck up! Obviously your man isn’t making enough so it’s time to get a job instead of constantly posting your business over Facebook! There’s such a thing as daycare assistance and jobs where you’d make enough to help with bills. Ugh, I just hate people that feel the need to constantly post their very personal business on social media and then get mad when people gossip about it!!!

I don’t even have it posted where I work, what school I currently attend or if I’m even in a relationship. If people ask if I’m still working at the same place where everyone can see it, I PM them and then delete their comment. I just don’t feel like it’s everyone business where I’m working. Only the people I actually talk to and know me should know that information. I don’t even have my phone number listed and it’s mainly because I just know someone who shouldn’t have it will end up getting it and then I’ll have to change it.

Anyways, I made my stew again and it’s fantastic. I’ve been making it the past 3 Friday’s and I’m absolutely in love with it. It’s becoming a Friday tradition. I’m gonna try not to eat it all this weekend because I would like to have some when I get off work Tuesday night.

I’m scheduled Tuesday, Wednesday and I will be working Friday day again. I may work Saturday too if I don’t make enough those 3 days. I really don’t want to because I want time with my niece but since I don’t work Monday anymore, I may just get some hours in on Saturday.

I’m gonna go lay down for a little while. .