The Husband (The Brainwasher Mix) in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I’ve visited with a few people, not as many as had initially gushed at the idea of my prodigal return, but I’m not too upset about that. I am enjoying having time alone or with just my brothers. Having not seen them in years, I have to get to know them all over again. It’s awkward.

I did get to visit with Michelle. She had a rather serious medical incident a few months ago (I know she’ll be somewhat amused that I refer to two aneurysms and a stroke as an “incident”) and it worried me very much. When she was going through it, I was concerned but I hate people who use that as a way of pulling the spotlight away from the person who needs attention, so I tried to remain outside of the sphere of drama. I wanted her to know that I was there if she needed to talk but I didn’t want to be in her face all the time about it… I mean, she was in the fucking hospital, let her recover.

Plus, I was going through a similar situation close to me with James’ suicide and seeing how people trotted his death around for attention and I was doubly not interested in getting involved. I think other people would have been upset by my aloofness, but Michelle and I actually operate on similar wavelengths so I think she understands where I was coming from.

It was great to see her, but it was also a little alarming. I have seen several people go through the kinds of medical emergencies she has gone through and not come through as well as she has, but it was still disconcerting to see her energy diminished. She had just received news that she would make a full recovery, and it hasn’t been very long since she was released, but I still had to make sure I had my game face on when I saw her. There were a couple of times I almost lost it and started crying, but I once again didn’t want to pour over her all my own feelings about it.

The function of a humorist is to make people feel better and that’s exactly what I tried to do in that moment.

Michelle was always very athletic and cognitive (except when I was drunkenly flinging her into intersections) so to see her limping and having memory problems was difficult.

But it was great catching up with her and I know that she’ll be back and on her feet doing her marathons and weight-lifting in no time. She’s in the top 1% when it comes to recovery from this type of.... incident, and her strength and determination will see her through.

I hung out with my friend Sarah a few nights ago. I have known Sarah for 27 years, and would think she would know better than to invite me to do the thing we did.

First, we went out to dinner at some little bar next to her house. While we were there, Sarah ran into some friends of hers. A few of them shouted “Justin!” and rushed over to greet me… This is where I once again had to pretend that I knew who the fuck I was talking to. The first gal uttered something along the lines of “I haven’t seen you since the Halloween party” which would mean that I met this chick way back in 2011. I seriously had no idea who the fuck any of these people were… they seemed nice enough.

Then Sarah told me we were meeting up with her friend Shauna and Shauna’s new boyfriend and then we were going to go look at Christmas lights.

Now, I hate Shauna. I hate Christmas… especially stupid things like decorations, and I believe Christmas lights fall into that category. How could Sarah have gone so wrong?

Now, because Sarah is my oldest and dearest friend, I pretty much kept my mouth shut… or tried to. When we got to this court of like 20 houses that all tried to out-Griswold each other, I just thought… “Wow, they must have really fucked up electric bills” or “Sacramento needs to calm the fuck with with its Christmas.” Really, the only Christmas traditions I ever enjoyed was Victorian Days in Nevada City and The Singing Christmas Tree musical that we used to go see at Capitol Christian Center. Other than that, I treat Christmas like Ebola.

Speaking of Christianity.... After it was all done, and Sarah and I were driving home, Shauna called to “dish” with Sarah about how her new boyfriend had squeezed her hand. I just thought, WHAT THE FUCK? They’ve been going out for a month and a half and haven’t kissed yet.... I mean, I’m okay with people making up their own relationships rules, but some people just do some crazy things in my book.

Sarah’s continued quest for a husband has brought her to Match dot com. She was showing me some of the men with whom she was matched and I simply rolled my eyes and renewed my vow never to go near online dating. But it did make me wonder…

Lance Bass just got married. If you’re not from this country and are unaware, Lance Bass was a member of NSync and he came out as gay… at which point he rocketed from the obscurity that has plagued the rest of the band (save for Justin Timberlake) and became kind of a celebrity just based on his sexuality. His wedding is watched by gay people in America (I’m told) with the same vigor and enthusiasm as was Kimye’s nuptials. The truth is, I have some very conflicted feelings about it.

Marriage was never a reality I expected in my lifetime. It was never a story I told myself. Now Lance Bass has a husband. And so does Neal Patrick Harris. And Elton John. And countless other gay men around the world. I’ve never even entertained the notion that I would ever wear the label of “husband.”

While I was visiting Michelle and she was outside, I went inside and talked with her husband Morgan. I absolutely adore Morgan because he’s complementary in so many ways to Michelle and I don’t think he ever gets complimented on it. Michelle is wonderful, but her energy level is high and manic. People misinterpret it as “dramatic” or whatever, but I see it for what it is, “highly cognitive emotional articulation on speed.” Morgan is quite the opposite. He’s very subdued and I think that sometimes he gets lost in the background, quite unintentionally.

I wanted to ask how Morgan was doing, because I think that, aside from Michelle, he doesn’t get asked that question very often. As Morgan explained his feelings and the situation through his point-of-view, I realized exactly what a husband should be. Morgan is a rock. Michelle would wake up after days in the hospital with memory loss, forgetting where she was, why she was there and exactly what was going on. Morgan would answer those questions, and in his absence, he wrote all over the walls things like “You are in the hospital” and “Morgan is here, you are not alone.”

And that last one is what it really is all about. Michelle was not alone throughout the whole incident. She was not alone when she came home from the hospital. She is not alone in her recovery.

Morgan joyfully bears the burden of being joined to someone on such a level that it is his responsibility to make sure she is not alone. It was a powerful realization. Morgan and Michelle have a rather unorthodox marriage that does not necessarily fit the mold of what others would consider marriage, and that’s what makes it all the more powerful. Marriage is thought of as this series of choices and steps and a whole way of life that is supposed to exist, but in reality, marriage is just two people. If those two people happen to agree, the direction their marriage takes doesn’t have to make sense to the outside world, it just has to make sense to them as a couple, because they make those choices alone.

I live my whole life alone. I spend my life cultivating alone time. Everything about me is in direct opposition to that concept of partnership. It is no wonder I have had such a hard time grasping the idea of marriage. But maybe the transition has begun and in the future, I might be a husband.